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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 28: The Gathering Storm

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:29 pm    Post subject: An Unggoy Life: Chapter 28: The Gathering Storm Reply with quote

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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 28: The Gathering Storm
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comcast.net)
8 October 2005, 2:45 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt1008050245161.html
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh, you know what the title reminds me of? It reminds me of the opening scene from Fatal Fury, The Motion Picture, when Terry turns to the Camera, it goes close up, and he says, "I feel the storm is coming."

Remus, huh? I'd better go look that myth up, been a while since I read about it. Didn't the legend go that Remus and Romulus were kept alive with the help of a female wolf, and Romulus formed the Roman Empire? I'll look that up in the Encyclopedia sometime. Gotta find my copy of the ancient history course textbook, I'm sure I left it down in the basement, somewhere, where it's dark, cold, creepy, and NICE!

Quote:
Nugga and Lovu escorted Yanna and Glor to the Phantom that was taking them to High Charity. Suddenly, a MP came running toward them.
"Your mission has been cancelled," he said, panting, "Reports are sketchy, but it sounds like New Unggo is destroyed."
They all gasped. This event greatly reduced the Unggoy population. Again. It seemed that the Unggoy species was going to be extinct soon.
The group turned, and headed back to the barracks.


Short, punchy, and very unexpected and sudden, just like the turn of events it describes. Liked that there. One moment they're going somewhere, and the next, bang. Everything changes. The only complaint I have is that we don't really see how the group is thinking. Try to delve into that a little more.

All in all, good. Keep it up, CG! Catchya on the forums later.

- Dave.

Edit: Oops, spelling mistake.
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Last edited by SYSTEM on Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:35 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Syotica
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Joined: 26 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not too bad man. Can't wait to see some battle scenes. Consult me if you have any space/capital ship battle issues; I'll try and help.
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jmizzer
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Joined: 11 Oct 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy i thought you did a pretty good job on this whole series. of course i am new so mayber i haven't read anything yet. Very Happy
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CrazyGrunt
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Location: Wreaking havoc on High Charity

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the compliment, jmizzer.
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