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Alien Brethren: Chapter 6: Remorseful Incentive

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:28 pm    Post subject: Alien Brethren: Chapter 6: Remorseful Incentive Reply with quote

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Alien Brethren: Chapter 6: Remorseful Incentive
Posted by Alex L (Greek Elite) (yoshi64y@aol.com)
7 October 2005, 11:52 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alex_L_Greek1007052352091.html
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice chapter. Good job on telling us the Covies backgrounds. 9.5/10. Oh yeah, I don't think the moniter would scream.
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:56 pm    Post subject: Story Reply with quote

Nice chapter, throughly anticipating the next. Continue with Alei...
And one question...
What rank is Alei? I scanned the chapters and haven't found out.

And if you can do a favor for me...

If you can read but one of my stories that would be great. Please...
All my stories are listed under the name "Arbiter" thats my author name... Please Elite just one I am beggiing
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I like the joke about the light bulb, but unfortunately, that breaks character. John wouldn't ever make a joke like that under combat conditions. To his team, no. In First Strike, remember how he wanted to laugh and joke, but to preserve his authority, he had to refrain from showing emotion?

Not saying John can't have a sense of humour. But not under combat conditions or while on active military duty.

The next thing is the formatting.

- Remember the Code.
Hit the guidelines, I reccomend printing them out and keeping a copy with you, tacked to your monitor. That usually helps. Also don't forget that internal code from word processing software such as MS word or even Email will revert to plain text when you hit the form. The preview key is there, it's your responsibility to use it.

Also remember to separate your notes with a horizontal rule.

Heh, although I can't really say much about the rest of the story, I'd like to point out the "Me Fix!" part: that was pretty comical. Some overeager grunt fixes it, then hits his foot on the 'Oracle.' Comical, reminds me of every time I stub my toe in the dark.

Keep working.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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GreekElite
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 64
Location: WIsconsin

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 1:55 am    Post subject: Re: Story Reply with quote

Gammamee wrote:
Nice chapter, throughly anticipating the next. Continue with Alei...
And one question...
What rank is Alei? I scanned the chapters and haven't found out.

And if you can do a favor for me...

If you can read but one of my stories that would be great. Please...
All my stories are listed under the name "Arbiter" thats my author name... Please Elite just one I am beggiing


It's good to hear that your anticipating it Gammamee, always look forward to hearing from your comments. To answer the rank question, his red armor implies his rank. I forget the actuall term or name of his rank but its somewhere around the Fan Fiction boards where u can find the color of the elites and determine their rank. So in all, his crimson/red color armor implies his rank. And about the reading your stories, i've been wanting to read your stories for so long but you haven't told me your author name yet! Now that I know your name however, i'm going to read as much as possible ASAP. Thanks for the feedback!
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Covie_Lover
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Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 280

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*rises from the ground with a blood-curdling moan*

I have some back from the dead to haunt this board once more... fear me, mortals, while you still live!

*evil laughter*

*cough-wheeze*

Anyway, great stuff. It looks like I'm gong to have to check the previous chapters now, but I'd just like to congradulate you on your excellent writing.

*sniffle*

No Jilly though... Crying or Very sad
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...

PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:01 pm    Post subject: Story Reply with quote

This story was cool, very imaginitive and visiualizing. (As always) Just one question, which Halo is this?
Is it Installation 04 or 05?
Because there is only one monitor per Halo to oversee that there is no outbreak and to manage the Flood with a ignition sequence from a reclaimer.
Installation 04's or Alpha Halo's monitor is, 343 Guilty Spark
And...
Installation 05's or Delta Halo's monitor is, 2401 Pentient Tangent
But I also made up my own monitor and again it is awesome to obe original.
And in case you never get my sending. (You asked me earlier if I had Xbox Live) I said no and I asked if I can get your gamertag in case.
And I also asked if I could use Alei in a story of mine as a cameo, Question
I wrote a quick paragraph portraying what I would say in my story.
If you didn't get that please tell me...Thanks.
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GreekElite
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 64
Location: WIsconsin

PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 10:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Story Reply with quote

Gammamee wrote:
This story was cool, very imaginitive and visiualizing. (As always) Just one question, which Halo is this?
Is it Installation 04 or 05?
Because there is only one monitor per Halo to oversee that there is no outbreak and to manage the Flood with a ignition sequence from a reclaimer.
Installation 04's or Alpha Halo's monitor is, 343 Guilty Spark
And...
Installation 05's or Delta Halo's monitor is, 2401 Pentient Tangent
But I also made up my own monitor and again it is awesome to obe original.
And in case you never get my sending. (You asked me earlier if I had Xbox Live) I said no and I asked if I can get your gamertag in case.
And I also asked if I could use Alei in a story of mine as a cameo, Question
I wrote a quick paragraph portraying what I would say in my story.
If you didn't get that please tell me...Thanks.


regarding the cameo and gamertag: i replied your personal Message. For the moniter however, it's really unknown exactly WHICH Halo he came from. Keep in mind the humans found it busted up at a Heretic camp and from there on its a mystery to which Halo it came from. Intstallation 01? Installation 06? It's a mystery that I don't think i'll reveil. And i assumed it would be easy to tell which halo they were on but I guess adding the monitor made it more confusing. Alien Brethren's first sets of chapters (Chapter 1 to who knows what) will be taking place on installation 05, where Halo 2 takes place most of the time. Later on though, Alien Brethren will most likely jump around to locations. I hope that answers questions and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!
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