HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

An Unggoy Life: Chapter 27: 3rd Ring of Power
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comast.net)
29 September 2005, 11:49 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt0929052349141.html

SYSTEM · Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:50 pm Post subject:

Hey, CG, it's been some time, huh?

Well, I'll get to commenting, it's good to see you're going strong.

The opening was rife with "Nuggas." Be careful, it can get extremely repetitive if names are overused in sentences or similar sentence structure. Mix up the words, mix up where you put the names, and such. If you want to see how I do that, well, I do that quite a lot in TFMCBG. Try to avoid beginning sentences with Nuggas all the time.

Heh, I like the idea of Wilkins taking the dead man away. I guess it shows he still has a sense of humanity and caring, not just a 'look out for number one' attitude: I don't know if I'd do that. I'd probably puke if a dead man missing over half his face fell into my arms.

- Good, good, keep it up. I'll catch you on the flip side.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.