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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 27: 3rd Ring of Power

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 1:41 pm    Post subject: An Unggoy Life: Chapter 27: 3rd Ring of Power Reply with quote

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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 27: 3rd Ring of Power
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comast.net)
29 September 2005, 11:49 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt0929052349141.html
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, CG, it's been some time, huh?

Well, I'll get to commenting, it's good to see you're going strong.

The opening was rife with "Nuggas." Be careful, it can get extremely repetitive if names are overused in sentences or similar sentence structure. Mix up the words, mix up where you put the names, and such. If you want to see how I do that, well, I do that quite a lot in TFMCBG. Try to avoid beginning sentences with Nuggas all the time.


Heh, I like the idea of Wilkins taking the dead man away. I guess it shows he still has a sense of humanity and caring, not just a 'look out for number one' attitude: I don't know if I'd do that. I'd probably puke if a dead man missing over half his face fell into my arms.

- Good, good, keep it up. I'll catch you on the flip side.

- Dave.
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"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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