HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Chronicles of the Spartan III's

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 4:20 pm    Post subject: Chronicles of the Spartan III's Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Chronicles of the Spartan III's
Posted by Whitemansfro (wayhoff@sbcglobal.net)
28 September 2005, 4:09 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Whitemansfro0928051609271.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Caleb the Jackal
Member


Joined: 11 Jan 2005
Posts: 369
Location: Are you crazy!?

PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... I hate to be the first to say it but... YOU need to use the Code. It is very important if you want people to read your story.

Next... Spartan III's would not look down on the Spartan IIs unless they are all just pricks or something.

You need to work on description and filling your story with goodness and not making them so short.

Work hard and use code.

Caleb
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

- Don't know what the code is? Check the guidelines.

It's your responsibility to check the guidelines when you post. They're there for a reason. Also, remember that the preview key is there for you to use.

Now, first and formost, Spartan is a name, it should be capped.

Your dialogue is quite everyday. Military types speak with a profound air of no-nonsense professionalism, and their actions reflect it. Don't give cardboard cutouts. We need to see real characters portrayed. Take some time, proofread, format using the code, and be sure to make sure your story isn't just one of those all-action stories. They signify nothing.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are a lot of problems with this chapter. Your introduction of characters, paragraphing, dialogue and making everything super (inclusion of a super ship that is stronger than any Covenant vessel, Spartan III's, etc). I could go on, but I think you get the point. I am not trying to insult you, make fun of you or get you to stop writing. Believe me, I'm only trying to help.

My advice? Read. Read some well-reviewed sci-fi and action novels by established authors and also read some well-reviewed and established Halo fanfiction authors. That is an enjoyable way to learn. Learn what? How a good, interesting story is structured. How a good writer introduces characters. How to develop characters and how character development can keep the reader glued to the page during an action sequence. How to write an action sequence. How to draw a reader in with your opening paragraph. How to make details colorful and interesting. How to do just about anything.

I'm not saying that you have to know how to do all of the above before writing, or that reading alone will get it done. Not at all. But if you are reading good stuff, it will almost certainly help your own stories. It will showcase different methods and techniques (since different authors will have different styles) and also give you reference to evaluate your writing. I would also encourage you to have at least one person read your stuff before you submit it. Preferably someone who is both honest and well-read. And if you can't figure something out, post your question in the Writing Help forum. There's probably someone on HBOFF who can help you. Hopefully we are all here to improve, so if that is your goal, you'll fit right in.

Try out the advice you get on here, read, read, read and keep practicing (and reading Very Happy ).

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group