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Glass and Steel: Pt. 8

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 1:43 pm    Post subject: Glass and Steel: Pt. 8 Reply with quote

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Glass and Steel: Pt. 8
Posted by Random 14-Year-Old (i-rule-2008@sbcglobal.net)
16 September 2005, 12:56 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Random_14-Ye0916050056401.html
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Random 14-Year-Old
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Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 81
Location: California

PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't help but think that I'm just going ALL OVER the place with this story.

Hehe. First post! Oh ya, can't touch this!
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Guardian
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Joined: 26 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 2:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You made me tear you bastard.

Good job.
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Random 14-Year-Old
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Joined: 20 Jan 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 4:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh. Jeez. Thanks. Embarassed

LOL, I just looked at the Never Give Up thread and you're all pissed and angry, and then I look here and you're CRYING? Dude. They have medicine for those kinds of things. j/k!

Wink Wink Wink
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Pooman
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Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow! I LOVE THIS SERIES! You made me cry too. Damn, your good. 9.7/10. 14 year old's write excellent stories. I'm 14 too!
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I wasn't the first to post on this one! Anway, great story once again. And you made people cry! Not me but others.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stylistically, the material seemed very clipped. In some respects, it was short and could have used some more detail. Of course, I am a fan of a good, healthy helping of "Meat and Potatoes". Especially within that first section, things passed very quickly. Now, my perceptions may be skewed due to the fact that I have not read much of the other chapters. However, each chapter should still read well on its own.


Interesting plot. I should have checked out more of this sooner. Well dang.

I saw direction in this particular piece. But (and I attribute this to my relative ignorance) I could not see where it was going or for what purpose.

Overall, this was pretty good stuff. Not the best I have read, though. The material and thought behind it is pretty solid. All you need is more experience and pratice to smooth out the small things and add more to your work. You are already developing a style, and with time, and improved writing, your work will prove to be quite unique. And that's a good thing.

I'll keep my eyes out for these in the future.
_________________
-MCC
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Random 14-Year-Old
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Joined: 20 Jan 2005
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 3:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool, thanks for the advice, MCC. I think I sometimes I make my sentences flow TOO smoothly, so it makes things seem to pass faster. Or maybe I just need to elaborate more. Smile

If anyone here remembers the first part (or chapter, I guess) of this story, I had some pretty weak Elite speak in there. Too human. So could anyone tell me if my Elite speak improved in this chapter? Thanks.
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes it did
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Giggles the Grunt
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Joined: 04 Sep 2005
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Location: In a Methane rich paradise.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You almost made me cry!
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