HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

Glass and Steel: Pt. 8
Posted by Random 14-Year-Old (i-rule-2008@sbcglobal.net)
16 September 2005, 12:56 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Random_14-Ye0916050056401.html

Random 14-Year-Old · Member Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 81 Location: California

I can't help but think that I'm just going ALL OVER the place with this story.

Hehe. First post! Oh ya, can't touch this!

Guardian · Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 2:01 am Post subject:

You made me tear you bastard.

Good job.

Random 14-Year-Old · Member Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 81 Location: California

Oh. Jeez. Thanks. Embarassed

LOL, I just looked at the Never Give Up thread and you're all pissed and angry, and then I look here and you're CRYING? Dude. They have medicine for those kinds of things. j/k!

Wink

Pooman · Member Joined: 18 Aug 2005 Posts: 86 Location: Kentucky

Wow! I LOVE THIS SERIES! You made me cry too. Damn, your good. 9.7/10. 14 year old's write excellent stories. I'm 14 too!

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 2:46 pm Post subject:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I wasn't the first to post on this one! Anway, great story once again. And you made people cry! Not me but others.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Stylistically, the material seemed very clipped. In some respects, it was short and could have used some more detail. Of course, I am a fan of a good, healthy helping of "Meat and Potatoes". Especially within that first section, things passed very quickly. Now, my perceptions may be skewed due to the fact that I have not read much of the other chapters. However, each chapter should still read well on its own.

Interesting plot. I should have checked out more of this sooner. Well dang.

I saw direction in this particular piece. But (and I attribute this to my relative ignorance) I could not see where it was going or for what purpose.

Overall, this was pretty good stuff. Not the best I have read, though. The material and thought behind it is pretty solid. All you need is more experience and pratice to smooth out the small things and add more to your work. You are already developing a style, and with time, and improved writing, your work will prove to be quite unique. And that's a good thing.

I'll keep my eyes out for these in the future.
_________________
-MCC

Random 14-Year-Old · Member Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 81 Location: California

Cool, thanks for the advice, MCC. I think I sometimes I make my sentences flow TOO smoothly, so it makes things seem to pass faster. Or maybe I just need to elaborate more. Smile

If anyone here remembers the first part (or chapter, I guess) of this story, I had some pretty weak Elite speak in there. Too human. So could anyone tell me if my Elite speak improved in this chapter? Thanks.

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 5:08 am Post subject:

yes it did

Giggles the Grunt · Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:47 am Post subject:

You almost made me cry!