HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Revival of the Covenant: Chapter 2
Posted by Mizbehavin (mizbehavincy@gmail.com)
15 September 2005, 3:48 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Mizbehavin0915050348351.html

Random 14-Year-Old · Member Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 81 Location: California

The dialogue is pretty nice, when I can manage to pick it out of the massive paragraph and try to distinguish who's talking. Remember that no matter how mystifying your story is or how powerful your descriptions and characters are, the whole story will be less readable if it's all jumbled. Try to start an entirely new paragraph whenever someone different is talking, and when you start talking about a new topic.

Mizbehavin · Member Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

Hey I'm just putting this on here for my movie series it goes with so I'm not really treating the story that seriously, I'm just putting it here for parts you can't hear some characters say. So not to be mean or rude just lay off on the comments. You can read it if you want to but, it's mainly for my actors and for the people who are watching the series. I haven't started it yet but I'm ready to start filming soon. It's your choice read it if you want but remember it's not really for you. Neutral

Jester · Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 6:06 pm Post subject:

Were going to comment anyways, so stop being an idiot. If you submit it to this site then you should take it seriously. Besides if you write better don't you think that could help you with your movies? It will.

gruntyking117 · Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 3:58 pm Post subject:

I liked it, but the story NEEDS more use of THE CODE. For this style For Bold

Mizbehavin · Member Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

Jester, if your going to flame go somewhere else, Like I said comment if you want but don't flame about it. And I've got scripts they're way more organized. In the next chapter I'll make it more organized just for the sake of Jester. I'm sorry I keep forgetting about the code when I send this in I've typed it on my blog, copied and pasted it over here, and I keep forgetting about the code. The story starts off slow but it will get better around chapter six or seven. Action wise that is. Later chapters will get really in depth with the Covenant's history and the forerunner's technology, but there will still be fight's. One last thing, Jester I never said I don't write good I just said this isn't my first priority, my first priority is the movie, the script, actors and filmier's, updating the blog's scripts, and then this so look at all the details before you post something you might regret. Like I've said to almost everyone over on the HIH forums, " Watch what you say and get all the details first." Wink

P.S. Still really sorry about not using the code as much, I'll get around to using it next chapter. Also why should I take this seriously if I submit it to this site? (sarcasm)

Mainevent · Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 2:57 am Post subject:

This isn't for people who shouldn't see it. This is for everyone to see it.

If you want to keep it secluded, then you should find another place for your story. This is definitely not it.

Otherwise you'll get criticism and occasional flames.

Mizbehavin · Member Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

I never said you can't read it. By all means read away, but like I said this is MAINLY for my actors and people who watch the series. The people on this site are the second group who can read it if they would like. I never said it's just for these people. I think I can handle anything else Jester or anyone else can throw at me. Trust me I've seen a whole lot worse than, "stop being an idiot". No criticism to you Main, but I am not trying to make this what you guys think it is. It is for everyone but yet again I'll say this is MAINLY for my actors and people who watch the movie because I'm constantly doing all sorts of thing to my blog and they'll have to wait. While all my actors can come here and read the series easily and be gone. So for hopefully the last time saying this, this is for everyone, reading it and posting comments, just don't come here saying I'm being an idiot or stupid for making this just for one group of people because guess what. I'm not. So like I said earlier please read all details.

gruntyking117 · Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 3:22 am Post subject:

Mizbehavin · Member Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

I know not everyone is going to like my story, and I'm sorry. I know that most of these posts have been trying to be helpful and I've acknowledged them for it like you grunty about the code. I want to apoligize to Jester about yesterday I wasn't at my best yesterday. I had a horrible migraine, so I was yelling to just about everyone who got me angry. I'm going to start working on the next chapter tonight I will try to help everyone know who is talking and what the story is about in the next chapter. Once again I'm extremely sorry for anyone I might have offended yesterday. I'll let you guys know if I've got a migraine of that magnitude again. Sorry Wink

Jester · Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:15 am Post subject:

I wasn't meaning to flame you. Sorry. You have no idea how frustrated some of us get though, there are all these new writers coming in and then leaving and telling us they hate us because we were trying to help.

Mizbehavin · Member Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

I want to give you guys a sample of the new chapter for being so arrogant yesterday, but I'm having trouble starting it. It's kinda a sample of mixed emotions happiness, joy, hatred, anger, and sadness all in one. I can't give you a sample but I'll give you a quick summary. This chapter introduces one or two characters that will be a key part to the story from here on out. The beginning starts out with both leaders (Law and High Com) of each race deciding on what to do next. The Spartans want permission to board the Righteous Devastater once more to retrieve the Chief and disable the COM link, but before the spartans get their answer seven of the Covenant's ships prep up their slipspace engines and get ready to head into slipspace. Last minute thinking sends the Spartans after Law and his New Covenant. The outcome of their destination surprises everyone but Law and ONI spooks.

I wish I could send the first paragraph to ya'll (southern accent) but in typing that summary just got rid of my writers block. I'm going to let this die out now until the next chapter is released. You'll definitely see the use of the code and hopefully it will be more organized Wink

See Ya'll later
P.S. I'm from Florida so I wont usually type you guys. Just a heads up if you see that in the story ya'll know why.

Jester · Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:46 am Post subject:

I live in South Carolina. I know how you feel. The urge to use y'all in every sentence is nearly overwelming.

gruntyking117 · Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:18 am Post subject:

I've pretty much trained myself against bad dialouge unless absolutley required for a character.

SYSTEM · Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:28 am Post subject:

Bad Dialogue is one of the issues that can plague us all.

When a character goes beyond his or her set limitations, that can become serious very quickly. You know, if you have a character that is normally very outgoing and loud, and raucous, and suddenly he or she becomes very quiet and withdrawn, that can be counted as breaking character if one does not have reason.

Of course, if one has reason, almost anything can be done. Characters must change and evolve, otherwise they can grow stale and that leads to stagnation. There are times, of course, when you will want that feeling, but I like to keep the majority of my characters constantly-evolving, especially the ones that I want to keep my readers interested in, like pivotal characters or outstanding good guys.

Then again, one must have reasonable ground. Maybe you've got an outgoing character that somehow has a traumatic incident and becomes shy and withdrawn? Or maybe a quiet, withdrawn one who reaches some kind of inner confidence and learns to be outgoing and friendly?

It all depends. Remember, don't let your characters become actors. Let your actors become characters, or they will become actors, and grow stale.

By the way: I do a lot of screenplay work for my stories to make them seem more real. Everyone should. Characters should do more than walk, talk, think, feel, and do things. They should live: inside your mind, and when you know you've done it right, they live inside other people's.

- Dave.
_________________
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