HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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An Unggoy Life: Chapter 22: Total Chaos!
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comcast.net)
9 September 2005, 2:44 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt0909051444141.html

SYSTEM · Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:55 pm Post subject:

CrazyGrunt, I deleted the above post that MCS117 made, don't worry about it.

In reverse of that, I admire your drive and determination. I can see that you've got the heart, and that I admire.

Give it all you've got, and keep going.

That said, try to open up your sentences a little more when doing description, and your readers will thank you (especially those who read aloud.) Short sentences are good for quick, punchy suspense, but when overdone or used in the wrong way, such as during description or action, they can get in the way and clog you up.

That said, rock on.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

CrazyGrunt · Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2005 3:18 am Post subject:

Thank you Dave (even though I never saw the post MCS117 made)