HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

An Unggoy Life: Chapter 22: Total Chaos!

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:31 pm    Post subject: An Unggoy Life: Chapter 22: Total Chaos! Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

An Unggoy Life: Chapter 22: Total Chaos!
Posted by CrazyGrunt (thomas-hoskins@comcast.net)
9 September 2005, 2:44 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=CrazyGrunt0909051444141.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CrazyGrunt, I deleted the above post that MCS117 made, don't worry about it.

In reverse of that, I admire your drive and determination. I can see that you've got the heart, and that I admire.

Give it all you've got, and keep going.

That said, try to open up your sentences a little more when doing description, and your readers will thank you (especially those who read aloud.) Short sentences are good for quick, punchy suspense, but when overdone or used in the wrong way, such as during description or action, they can get in the way and clog you up.

That said, rock on.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
CrazyGrunt
Member


Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 63
Location: Wreaking havoc on High Charity

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2005 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Dave (even though I never saw the post MCS117 made)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group