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Waking the Dead (part six): Musings of a Child
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 7:09 am    Post subject: Waking the Dead (part six): Musings of a Child Reply with quote

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Waking the Dead (part six): Musings of a Child
Posted by Chuckles
8 September 2005, 3:58 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Chuckles0908051558591.html
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 7:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moma Mia, Chuckles' Waking the Dead!? Dr. Azrael, hmm Smile, I wouldn't do this justice by nit picking it and saying what I liked, it was all very good; very Chuckles-y, I liked it.
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Bronzemage
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 10:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... that was, interesting.

After reading about kids playing on swings, traumatised Spartans having pizza, and peace, love and joy, I thought this was going to be a happy story.

It seems I was wrong. Again.

One of the things I like and dislike about your work is the sheer unpredictability of it. One moment everything's philisophical and deep, the next its violence and butchering. I gotta say that while I enjoyed this chapter, the brutality at the end was a little too far. I mean, I know Simjames is supposed to be a merciless killing machine, but... I dunno.

Just as another note (not that I'm nitpicking Very Happy) I just recovered from a broken arm, and unless you get treatment pretty much immediately, it's gonna hurt a lot and keep hurting. Unless Ellen went to a hospital, or could somehow rearrange her own bones, there's no way she'd be able to keep the pain under that much control as to keep quiet and move like that.

Keep up the good, very disturbing, work. I look forward to the next chapter... and this mysterious Uncle (maybe Sarah's brother?).

By the way... how do you get so much first hand experience on all this butcherin'? Razz
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bronze wrote:
Quote:
I gotta say that while I enjoyed this chapter, the brutality at the end was a little too far. I mean, I know Simjames is supposed to be a merciless killing machine, but... I dunno.

A central theme of this story is the fact that the Cutlass family takes everything that a corrupt government agency can throw at them, but still will not be beaten. Yes, the end of this chapter was brutal, but it was also triumphant. So far Simjanes has killed, threatened, tortured and terrified ODST's, Spartans, rebels and innocent civilians without interference. But now--now he is knocked off balance by the conviction and fearlessness of a five year old girl. She is the very first person in this series to stand up to him and live. Yes, she was hurt bad (and having never broken an arm, I will take your word that she would have been out of her mind in pain) but she was still strong because she knew that she had people who loved her and cared about her. Her family was tough and she knew it. I love the idea of this little girl staring down this powerful bad guy and making him blink--broken arm and all. To have triumph you must also have obstacles. Small obstacles, small triumph. Big obstacles, big triumph. Needless to say, I want the Cutlass family to triumph in a very big way.

Quote:
By the way... how do you get so much first hand experience on all this butcherin'?

I am a non-violent, upbeat father of almost four (November). Those who know me personally get a real kick out of the contrast between who I am and what I write. I have a very strong connection to my children, so when I write about something bad happening to a child (and this was especially true in Father's Eyes) I feel the emotion and anger involved as I write. I have a little girl. If someone came into my house, hurt her bad and then took off threatening to do worse . . . yeah, I feel that emotion and energy as I write it. If it seems too brutal to you, I'm sorry for that. I don't write it that way because I get some sick pleasure out of it. I do it because I like hard hitting stories where good people prevail in spite of overwhelming odds. When a little girl can have her arm broken and her life threatened and yet she still refuses to have her spirit broken, that is something that I see as powerful.

C.T. Clown
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Bronzemage
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well said Smile

Now I see this in a different light... thanks.
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Tin Can Man
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 3:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That bit with the pictures... great. The ending was very nice. Big satisfied grin over the fact that the kid made Simjanes creeped out, then someone came. Dead baby? Corpses? Cloning technology? 2+2... But knowing chuckles, its probably completely different and absolutely gobsmacking.

Last edited by Tin Can Man on Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Caleb the Jackal
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WOOOOOOW! That was really, really good. Like the best one yet. I am stumped by this mystirious uncle. Can't wait for the next but oh my LORD! That was good. Best one yet.


Caleb Shocked
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, darn it. Deadline's fast approaching, but still I couldn't resist reading this chapter.

When Ellen's other uncle came, feet stamping and earth-shaking, holy molly, I felt a shiver going up my back. Yes, sir... a shiver. A chill. And it went up my back.

Well, as usual the story was excellent, but right now I'm more interested about what you wrote about the contrast between your writing personality and your real-life personality. People who know me personally and who's also read some of the crap I churn out aren't surprised at all; they go, with a gleam in their eyes, 'wow, that wasn't too bad, but a little gory, don't ya think?' And underneath their lacquered words is the suggestion that maybe, just maybe, I should go see a psychologist. And this is weird, because I'm not depressed or manic at all; I don't dress in black, and I listen mainly to old-school Cream or Derek and the Dominoes. But people tell me that they expect me to appear on America's Most Wanted a few years down the line.

Well, enough about me. You must be really mild mannered (like Peter Parker) if they get a kick out of it. And was this all rather random?
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(Na)Marl
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 10:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

--When you wrote white armor, I immediately pictured Simjanes in a Stormtrooper suit. And when I read the boom boom boom boom part, I was listening to Click Click Boom. Hehe. I saw a typo in this, but it was still awesome and shit. Poor girl. Poor Simjanes
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I saw a typo in this, but it was still awesome

I think I know which one you are talking about, and there is a Crying or Very sad sad story Crying or Very sad behind it. I had adjusted things, corrected some errors and smoothed out a little of the dialogue towards the end--but I forgot to hit the "try again" button before submitting it. After that, of course, it was set in stone. Oh well.

C.T. Clown
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HELSING
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GOOD one! I might've extended the part where the little girl makes Simjanes take a look at his Will. That was a gem and it could've been taken a bit farther with good results. Other than that I (as usual) loved it and will wait eagerly for the next chapter.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 1:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I saw The Typo, along with a couple punctuation errors, but overall really, really great stuff. I mean, shit, Chuckles, I was actually afraid for the little girls life when she was in the clutches of Simjanes; and I too got the shiver up my spine when the other uncle was approaching.

That dialogue towards the end was straight out of a horror-flick. Fucking be-ee-ay-you-tiful. I could see every moment in a distinct visual within my mind, as if playing in a cinema. And when something like that occurs, I realize that the writing is nothing short of greatness.

Awesome job, Chuckles. Awesome job.
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 9:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to review but I'm too short of breath. . .

So I'll just applaude you. And decide whether applaud has an E on the end or not.


*applause*
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was a terrific chapter, Chuck. You did incredibly well with the second half of it in particular. And hey! My first cameo!

Your dialouge at the end was great, though I wonder about a little girl's grasp of the english language after having her arm broken and up at 3am. Nonetheless, VERY good exchange between the two.

That scene in the park was a perfect description, and I think it's the best scene in your series so far. Hands down. The whole range of emotions, the imagery of a park that's no longer what is used to be, etc...brilliant. A great scene.

One of your best, while not vintage Chuckles, I think your ability with writing allows you to move outside your usual mood and still delivery perfectly.

-Dr. Az
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...now that's some gritty shizzle.
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Tin Can Man
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 1:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, she is a Cutlass. I wouldn't be surprised if they were born with caffeine in their blood and a dictionary in their brain.
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