HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Norton Anti-Virus 2552
Posted by Mainevent
1 September 2005, 11:59 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Mainevent0901052359451.html

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:54 pm Post subject:

Good story. Is this a series?

Mainevent · Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:55 pm Post subject:

Click "Read Series" next the title and you'll get the rest of it.

*You have to do that on the main HBOFF page, not in the forum*

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 5:02 pm Post subject:

Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to the main page

Mainevent · Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 5:07 pm Post subject:

Yea, that's why I edited it. I forgot that most people probably just browsed stories through the forum. I'm used to the front page thing.

thedarkfire · Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 5:36 am Post subject:

I felt like there was too much happening without me knowing what was happening.

I understood the Cortana/Caliph.

I didn't get anything that was going on with John being infected. How did he get there, what was he doing sedated. etc.

If your adressing it next chapter, ok, but if not...(I'll assume you are)

Funny name, definatly computer related.

*Insert random glorious praise and heaven's trumpets*

Bronzemage · Member Joined: 30 Dec 2004 Posts: 100

Ah, dang. I've been following this for a while now, must've missed a section or two...

The writing's perfect, a few things that are personal preferences (such as spaces between gunshot, etc, not a big issue).

My main concern is the overall story, you're giving it to us in bits and pieces, and jumping back and forward in time.

For example: at the end of the last story, John had the stomach cramps that were associated with birthing new Flood. Yet, he was only told about the fact he would be having this done to him after he was uncoscious and presumably sedated/interrogated by the General. Which was set after he started getting the cramps...

Also, the General has gone from tolerant to downright murderous. He's said previously that the military won't accept him, and all that, yet he's with a surgeon (again, possibly military) that not only knows about the Flood, but has access to a lot of drugs. Very Happy

An Author's Note explaining this stuff would be good, although you have a great style and an awesome story.

Keep it up.

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:58 am Post subject:

Ha, I love the title, so John is Flood possitive? I don't think Cortana would refer to herself as a computer, shes too big-headed for that. Play with your Barbies? I doubt even Hasbro will last that long into our future, then again, perhaps I'm wrong.

You spoke of the flood as, almost sophisticated and well manered beings, odd. I see Fisher is back, interesting.....

I like this, kepp it up.

'Nosolee · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 73 Location: Manhattan

Excellent.

I can understand how the beginning is a little confusing, but I understood it.

I really, really like the idea of the Flood being benevolent, if what the creature says is true. You wrote very well also.

Try to tighten up the beginning to make it less confusing for those who kinda didn't understand.

9.5/10

-'Nos

Mainevent · Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:09 pm Post subject:

Well guys this part is where a lot changes. It's the turning point for everything you know so far. The next chapter will address everything, and clear a LOT of questions up.

As for the timeline, it goes Cramps>Surgery.

John was never "told" about it. He was sedated and taken to surgery. He doesn't have a clue what's happening. ALl he knew was that he had stomach pains, he passed out, and then he had the chat with the flood.

But for anyone confused about this I promise the next section will clear things up.

SYSTEM · Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:08 pm Post subject:

I'll keep this one short and to-the-point.

Man, I like the dialogue, and I liked the recording at the end.

I guess that guy's a Do-it-yourself kind of guy. Maybe you should do a 'home improvement' thing next, that would be really hilarious.

Man, extracting the flood alive, eh? I don't think that's ever been tried before, cheers for taking that new idea into consideration: Thinkin' outside the box. Next time I go for a checkup or go to the doctor's (or the hospital, if I fall off the stage again it could easily be there!) I'm going to be NERVOUS!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

HELSING · Member Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 151

Sorry I've been out of it for so long.

The only part I found strange was that cortana monologue, I neverknew she was so.... schizophrenic?

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Being sleep deprived, I did not bother myself with trivial mistakes or inconsequential errors in your story, Main. I hope you don't mind. Though, I will say, I thoroughly enjoyed what I read. A very interesting and--as far as I know--original concept. This should prove to be interesting.

But I can wait. Don't just spit another out in haste. I know you wouldn't do that.
_________________
-MCC

Mark25 · Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 9:13 pm Post subject:

Hey dude, would have reviewed it sooner but being in constant pain tends to make me moody whatever I'm reading, so now I'm fairly pain free, I'll jump right in.

Mainevent · Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:22 pm Post subject:

Though grammatically incorrect, speech doesn't have to follow the forms of writing.

The evasive/invasive thing was my mistake.

As for the Appendix, you'll have to wait and see.

The Flood infection form is the virus itself, in my eyes. Each form representing a single cell and each host representing something that virus can change to suit its needs. Therefore the mucus contained within is not contagious, and requires a full infection form to spread. More about how they operate later.

She never said she was a believer. She said she was tempted because she needed something to fall back on.

As for the doctor, that's more of a personal flavor thing again. I doubt he'd be extremely eloquent when having a gun pointed at him and being forced to break his hypocratic creed.