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Norton Anti-Virus 2552

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:15 am    Post subject: Norton Anti-Virus 2552 Reply with quote

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Norton Anti-Virus 2552
Posted by Mainevent
1 September 2005, 11:59 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Mainevent0901052359451.html
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good story. Is this a series?
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Click "Read Series" next the title and you'll get the rest of it.

*You have to do that on the main HBOFF page, not in the forum*
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to the main page
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 5:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea, that's why I edited it. I forgot that most people probably just browsed stories through the forum. I'm used to the front page thing.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 5:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I felt like there was too much happening without me knowing what was happening.

I understood the Cortana/Caliph.

I didn't get anything that was going on with John being infected. How did he get there, what was he doing sedated. etc.

If your adressing it next chapter, ok, but if not...(I'll assume you are)

Funny name, definatly computer related.

*Insert random glorious praise and heaven's trumpets*
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Bronzemage
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah, dang. I've been following this for a while now, must've missed a section or two...

The writing's perfect, a few things that are personal preferences (such as spaces between gunshot, etc, not a big issue).

My main concern is the overall story, you're giving it to us in bits and pieces, and jumping back and forward in time.

For example: at the end of the last story, John had the stomach cramps that were associated with birthing new Flood. Yet, he was only told about the fact he would be having this done to him after he was uncoscious and presumably sedated/interrogated by the General. Which was set after he started getting the cramps...

Also, the General has gone from tolerant to downright murderous. He's said previously that the military won't accept him, and all that, yet he's with a surgeon (again, possibly military) that not only knows about the Flood, but has access to a lot of drugs. Very Happy

An Author's Note explaining this stuff would be good, although you have a great style and an awesome story.

Keep it up.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha, I love the title, so John is Flood possitive? I don't think Cortana would refer to herself as a computer, shes too big-headed for that. Play with your Barbies? I doubt even Hasbro will last that long into our future, then again, perhaps I'm wrong.

You spoke of the flood as, almost sophisticated and well manered beings, odd. I see Fisher is back, interesting.....

I like this, kepp it up.
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'Nosolee
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent.

I can understand how the beginning is a little confusing, but I understood it.

I really, really like the idea of the Flood being benevolent, if what the creature says is true. You wrote very well also.

Try to tighten up the beginning to make it less confusing for those who kinda didn't understand.

9.5/10

-'Nos
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well guys this part is where a lot changes. It's the turning point for everything you know so far. The next chapter will address everything, and clear a LOT of questions up.

As for the timeline, it goes Cramps>Surgery.

John was never "told" about it. He was sedated and taken to surgery. He doesn't have a clue what's happening. ALl he knew was that he had stomach pains, he passed out, and then he had the chat with the flood.

But for anyone confused about this I promise the next section will clear things up.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll keep this one short and to-the-point.

Man, I like the dialogue, and I liked the recording at the end.

I guess that guy's a Do-it-yourself kind of guy. Maybe you should do a 'home improvement' thing next, that would be really hilarious.

Man, extracting the flood alive, eh? I don't think that's ever been tried before, cheers for taking that new idea into consideration: Thinkin' outside the box. Next time I go for a checkup or go to the doctor's (or the hospital, if I fall off the stage again it could easily be there!) I'm going to be NERVOUS!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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HELSING
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 8:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry I've been out of it for so long.

The only part I found strange was that cortana monologue, I neverknew she was so.... schizophrenic?
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 1:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Being sleep deprived, I did not bother myself with trivial mistakes or inconsequential errors in your story, Main. I hope you don't mind. Though, I will say, I thoroughly enjoyed what I read. A very interesting and--as far as I know--original concept. This should prove to be interesting.

But I can wait. Don't just spit another out in haste. I know you wouldn't do that.
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Mark25
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey dude, would have reviewed it sooner but being in constant pain tends to make me moody whatever I'm reading, so now I'm fairly pain free, I'll jump right in.

Quote:
as well as electrocardiogram and other non-evasive imaging measures, have all proven inconclusive in determining the origin or name for the pathogen. [Appendix A: Pathogen- Viral Eschiloderea Orodexia (Flood Parasite Form C-1D)] Subject is in a light coma,


Non-evasive or non-invasive? They aren't the same thing. No name for the pathogen and then boom [Appendix A], is this like an aftermath evaluation Main? Because if it's not that should not be there. Light coma, hmm, cut very fine my friend, cut very fine. Depending upon the state of the patient, what you put is literally taken (for me) as light deep sleep, I'll let it go this time.

Quote:
Pathogen is not contagious, and cannot be transferred through contact with the blood of an infected subject


This pathogen surely cannot be Appendix A? Virus-and-carrying-parasite not being very good at their jobs otherwise, remember what defines a virus and its tenacity for survival: its ability to evolve and infect. ever remember the crap ones? Course not, ever remember the nasty and vicious ones, yep that's because the ones that found a balance to still be here, still are (even viri/viruses/virii can be too effective). Pathogen is highly contagious but cannot be transmitted by exposure to blood of infected subject. Is probably what you were looking for (but I personally would still have opted against such notions).

Quote:
I'm a computer for Christ's sakes

Quote:
Now I see why they came up with religion-- because I'm tempted to believe myself

Quote:
God help Caliph when I get there.


Please, no, no. I won't go into detail on this as I'm sure you are aware of how bad it looks and sounds. A computer 'taking the lord's name in vain' (she's only just found subroutines that contain her emotions yet she is a believer in god).

Quote:
But you're based off of one of them, and that makes you infinitely imperfect.


Off of for a second time in two chapters dude. Whole sentence was horrible, confirmed by the fact I read 'infinitely' further down. Didn't like the whole juvenile atmosphere surrounding the Cortana/Caliph conversation either.

Quote:
The question was odd, but unspeakably relevant for reasons beyond anyone's scope or reasoning.


Relevant how then? Beyond anyone's scope and reasoning, why then? Who was this to Main? The reader who should just let it slide or believe it, the writer who doesn't want to give away a secret, or the writer that doesn't have anything better to put in there. Elaborate please, I'm eager to be enlightened.

Quote:
Even our creators, which we adored and wished only to help, feared and denied us. They tried to destroy us, but we could not let that happen."


Quote:
"Those you have seen are not us; they are our broken forms. Those recaptured by our creators were experimented upon, changed, malformed. We are the pure and divine creations they were unable to alter and destroy in their labs."


Your saving grace for this entire chapter. I was enraptured by this section, beautiful, just beautiful. The wheel turns and with it so does our thinking. You have put a tilt on the 'Haloverse' that is utterly believable, I only hope it does not overawe me to the point whereby I forget my own ideas on the flood. The Tormented Creation (patent pending lol joke). I think which should have been replaced with whom.

Still, questions remain, where and when was he infected and where did the pure form come from? Answers I suppose will come in the next chapters (or on the back of a postcard).

Quote:
I don't know. That was the most anesthetic I've ever given a single patient.


That could have been a lot more eloquent, heavy/high, light/low dose. Step away from the keyboard, walk round the house, occupy some time, come back, think anew.

If the section involving the flood form revealing itself to be what it was had been kept for another chapter, I wouldn't say that this chapter was any good. It is testament to a great piece of thinking on your behalf. Something that has given me much food for thought in terms of the history of the flood and forerunners (I think your evil for interrupting my own thinking on the flood but hey, I won't hold such genius against you).
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Though grammatically incorrect, speech doesn't have to follow the forms of writing.

The evasive/invasive thing was my mistake.

As for the Appendix, you'll have to wait and see.

The Flood infection form is the virus itself, in my eyes. Each form representing a single cell and each host representing something that virus can change to suit its needs. Therefore the mucus contained within is not contagious, and requires a full infection form to spread. More about how they operate later.

She never said she was a believer. She said she was tempted because she needed something to fall back on.


As for the doctor, that's more of a personal flavor thing again. I doubt he'd be extremely eloquent when having a gun pointed at him and being forced to break his hypocratic creed.
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