HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4355

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Long Time Gone Part 15
Posted by grylsy (grylsy@hotmail.com)
12 September 2004, 11:17 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grylsy.09120411171915.html

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

The first thing I noticed was that you didn't capitalize the first letter of the first sentense of the first paragraph. Watch those small types of mistakes, they really don't look good.
Watch how you use your punctuation. Also, watch out for grammatical and spelling errors.
By the way, what was up the whole REACH shield thing?
Plus, the characters sounded a little off. Not as clear as I would have liked.

Overall, this was pretty good. I didn't have to stop reading, and that is a good thing. It was good on the eyes, and fairly easy to read, though you might try a little more detail in places.
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-MCC