HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

This topic is for posting comments to:

A Grunt Poem
Posted by LackOfHalo
10 August 2005, 9:54 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=LackOfHalo0810052154161.html

Phædrus · Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:00 pm Post subject:

This sucked somethin' awful. Lack of imagination, no real quality, little or no emotion - you get a 4/10. It needs a whole lot of work. And I saw at least one spelling error, possibly more.

Try again.

Tin Can Man · Member Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 170

Halo Fan, something up Question

Chuckles · Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:19 pm Post subject:

Not much to it, but it really was not bad. It flowed quite well for a non-rhyming poem. Still, it would be nice to see poems with more depth and thought provoking content.

Not too deep, but not bad.

C.T. Clown

Phædrus · Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:23 pm Post subject:

No, just stress. My mom's throwing a Tupperware party ( Rolling Eyes

), and I have to clean most of the house myself since my mom broke her foot, my sister had surgery, and my stepdad hurt his back at work (safety engineer for Ford). Sweeping, picking up bits of trash, vacuming... It's just - GRRR! Evil or Very Mad

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:12 pm Post subject:

Not bad for non rhyming peom but It could have used alot more to it.

Solidus Snake · Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:00 am Post subject:

Lack of Poem . . .

Well, its wasn't terrible, and it wasn't great. Just listen to advice you are given, get along with everyone else, and you'll do just fine.

Welcome, and good luck.

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:33 am Post subject:

Spelling mistakes
Gramatical mistakes
Terrible lack of code
Lack of anything basic really (Nice pun Solidus)
Yeah, what he said.
And what the bloody hell is it with you children and Owned?

Solidus Snake · Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:43 am Post subject:

. . . its fun . . .

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:58 pm Post subject:

I saw it in someones sig so I put it in mine it's that simple. ITs funny too.

P.S. YOu may have guns and Cannons but Nukes own.

Mainevent · Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 12:05 am Post subject:

It was okay in a sing-songy sort of way. As a serious poem it does lose the emotion and such to bring it to that level.

Some tense changes I saw.

Overall, not that bad.

Solidus Snake · Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:10 am Post subject:

Michael Archer · Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:57 pm Post subject: poem

I think you spilt it up way too much. It didn't flow to good. The stanza's were VERY short as well. It would have been easier, so you didn't have to split it up so much. Did you want to make it look long? There's a poem by Carl Sandburg.

"CHOOSE
THE single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open asking hand held out and waiting.
Choose:
For we meet by one or the other."

Look how short that is! A poem doesn't have to be long to be good. Look at Carl Sandburg's poem AGAIN, "Fog". He wrote some very short poems. There was one that was only two lines!

If you want a poem to be big, make it big. But don't split up a small poem to make it big.

Best of Luck.

Master Chief Spartan- 117 · Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:01 pm Post subject:

Bullets and bullet holes may be cooler but nukes make a bigger crater.

Guardian · Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 11:58 pm Post subject:

Time to get crackin'

overall the poem was fairly decent. I didn't pick up a rhyme pattern, but you did attempt which is good. Secondly, welcome to HBOFF.

As for the people with the OWNED pictures, Solidus you should know better. Get rid of them right now. I may be not a Mod, but i will enforce this before Dave gets on your case.

Those are extremely insulting to a new author who lacks skills but has the chance to improve. So GET RID OF IT!. you new regulars are a real bunch of assholes you know that?

Glad that you now know.

Dave, well here I am again with the down the n00bs perspective except this time I'm at the regulars.

___________________________________________________________________________

Well, as for you my author friend. Detail lacked a bit, use the thesaurus to your advantage. You can get the perfect mood and setting for your poem. Improve as much as you possibly can before posting, it will help you on the long run. if you need any help PM me.