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A Grunt Poem
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:42 pm    Post subject: A Grunt Poem Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

A Grunt Poem
Posted by LackOfHalo
10 August 2005, 9:54 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=LackOfHalo0810052154161.html
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Phædrus
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Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This sucked somethin' awful. Lack of imagination, no real quality, little or no emotion - you get a 4/10. It needs a whole lot of work. And I saw at least one spelling error, possibly more.

Try again.
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Tin Can Man
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Halo Fan, something up Question
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not much to it, but it really was not bad. It flowed quite well for a non-rhyming poem. Still, it would be nice to see poems with more depth and thought provoking content.

Not too deep, but not bad.

C.T. Clown
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, just stress. My mom's throwing a Tupperware party ( Rolling Eyes ), and I have to clean most of the house myself since my mom broke her foot, my sister had surgery, and my stepdad hurt his back at work (safety engineer for Ford). Sweeping, picking up bits of trash, vacuming... It's just - GRRR! Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
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Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn

PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad for non rhyming peom but It could have used alot more to it.
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Solidus Snake
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lack of Poem . . .

Well, its wasn't terrible, and it wasn't great. Just listen to advice you are given, get along with everyone else, and you'll do just fine.

Welcome, and good luck.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
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Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spelling mistakes
Gramatical mistakes
Terrible lack of code
Lack of anything basic really (Nice pun Solidus)
Yeah, what he said.
And what the bloody hell is it with you children and Owned?
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

. . . its fun . . .
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I saw it in someones sig so I put it in mine it's that simple. ITs funny too.



P.S. YOu may have guns and Cannons but Nukes own.
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Mainevent
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Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 12:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was okay in a sing-songy sort of way. As a serious poem it does lose the emotion and such to bring it to that level.

Some tense changes I saw.

Overall, not that bad.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Master Chief Spartan- 117 wrote:
I saw it in someones sig so I put it in mine it's that simple. ITs funny too.



P.S. YOu may have guns and Cannons but Nukes own.


Nukes may be better, but bullets and bullet holes look cooler. And mine hand drawn. Razz
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Michael Archer
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:57 pm    Post subject: poem Reply with quote

I think you spilt it up way too much. It didn't flow to good. The stanza's were VERY short as well. It would have been easier, so you didn't have to split it up so much. Did you want to make it look long? There's a poem by Carl Sandburg.

"CHOOSE
THE single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open asking hand held out and waiting.
Choose:
For we meet by one or the other."

Look how short that is! A poem doesn't have to be long to be good. Look at Carl Sandburg's poem AGAIN, "Fog". He wrote some very short poems. There was one that was only two lines!

If you want a poem to be big, make it big. But don't split up a small poem to make it big.

Best of Luck.
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bullets and bullet holes may be cooler but nukes make a bigger crater.
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Time to get crackin'

overall the poem was fairly decent. I didn't pick up a rhyme pattern, but you did attempt which is good. Secondly, welcome to HBOFF.

As for the people with the OWNED pictures, Solidus you should know better. Get rid of them right now. I may be not a Mod, but i will enforce this before Dave gets on your case.

Those are extremely insulting to a new author who lacks skills but has the chance to improve. So GET RID OF IT!. you new regulars are a real bunch of assholes you know that?

Glad that you now know.

Dave, well here I am again with the down the n00bs perspective except this time I'm at the regulars.

___________________________________________________________________________

Well, as for you my author friend. Detail lacked a bit, use the thesaurus to your advantage. You can get the perfect mood and setting for your poem. Improve as much as you possibly can before posting, it will help you on the long run. if you need any help PM me.
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