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Long Time Gone Part 14

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 3:01 pm    Post subject: Long Time Gone Part 14 Reply with quote

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Long Time Gone Part 14
Posted by grylsy (grylsy@hotmail.com)
9 September 2004, 12:18 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grylsy.09090412181914.html
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, personally, I wasn't all too sure about the 'incident.' As much as you might have wanted to include that, well, I don't really think all that would happend like it did. For one, well, have you ever been in a military shower block? More like half-stalls than glassed-in joints.
Anyway, the writing was alright. Minor spelling and grammar issues. Would hae liked a bit more story-line explenation, not physical mind you, you censored well there.
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