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Fades to Black

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:02 pm    Post subject: Fades to Black Reply with quote

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Fades to Black
Posted by Solidus Snake
3 August 2005, 10:02 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Solidus_Snak0803052202411.html
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Mr. GotBeans
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was touching. And now I am afraid someone will tear off my fingernails. Ow. I liked the story, and think you should do more short ones like it.

7.5/10
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've written a story like this before that was longer and had more to it but it got deleted when my hard drive went out on my desktop. So I tried to bring back that idea.

About the torture thing, I thought of the fingernail thing whiling watching a preview of a show about interrogation. I would have added more but I didn't wanted to over do it. I had even more distrubing ideas too, like cutting the skin of the head and body. Some from the movie House of a Thousand Corpse.

Thanks, and BTW, I like your sig.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww, I was hoping for a parody!

Aw, well.

Maybe some other time. If you do a parody of Fade to Black, I can play it for you.

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I guess I could take a shot at a Fade to Black parody. Oh, and I know the acoustic part. Well, part of it, I still have to learn the main melody.

And I did learn the interlude solo (2nd one), the first one at the intro is kinda hard but I have to practice it.

You know the whole thing, Dave?
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep.

Except for the ending solo, I can do it. But I'm learning the ending solo, slowly but surely.

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I heard Dave playing some of Fade to Black yesterday over the phone... it was amazing.

Anyways, back to the story.

It was very dark and bloody, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but there was an excessive amount of errors involving your tenses; you kept changing back and forth between past- and present-tense. Not that big of a deal, but those kind of errors are normally the ones you should be looking for when proofreading your own stories.

Plus, I think a little more description and length could've made this short story stand out more, because, even though they are called short stories doesn't mean that they need to be!
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to see you again, CoLd! Now about the tense, I HAVE a VERY bad problem with it. Now I went back and found some errors but the rest to me sounded and looked right.

It kinda gets frustrating, like math. I had a BIG problem with math, I could learn it, but not as quickly. For one the teacher I had in math this year wasn't certify for math. The book doesn't help much. The whole English thing is a different and personal story.

Mostly because I use to go to this church private school and the learning process was different. First came religion then they started teaching, but I left before I could start learning anything there. I moved and then I was put into a public school which was very different. Well, the teachers thought I was slow and they didn't want to put up with me or help me so they put in some resource class, mostly for English and reading. Well, they didn't teach me much of anything. So as I went into Jr. High I got into Halo, and then the internet. I found HBO, wrote my first story, everybody gave me advice and pointers and I learned more in one week than school. So I started to get better at what I do and then I went into the 8th grade. My resource teacher asked, "why are you in resource?"

I said, "I don't know. . ."

She said, "I don't see why you are." And she asked me if I wanted out. Of course I said hell yes and so I got out at the end of the year and went into the ninth grade. Well, they didn't teach shit in the regular class and they didn't teach shit in the resource class. So what the hell is the difference?

School system if very fucked up. They are teaching things that I would never use in life, and half the time they won't give a kid a chance. All we need is the basics (which I missed a lot of that) and if you want a job in a field that would involve math or something then will you go and just learn that so you'll actually remember a lot of it.

Like in the Old Germany, a kid would learn the basics and then find a job they would want to go in and then learn that until they are old enough to work.

But its all a headache and I try my best.

Oh and yeah, I usually try to be desriptive, but I slacked off a bit. Yes I know, its a writing sin.

Thank you for the comments.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always try and write in a manner that will affect the reader physically. You know what I mean: make them sweat, cringe, worry, tense up--whatever. To do that you have to be hard hitting and willing to write in a way that most avoid. You must be willing to take the reader to places where they don't usually go and unflinchingly portray what they thought they would never read.

Well Solidus, danged if you didn't do every bit of that in this short little first-person story. You had me cringing, and that does not happen often. Well done Very Happy

C.T. Clown
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

As an extension to what Chuck just said, I go for the same kind of thing, but only two words: Vomit and cry. Vomit and cry my friends.

Quote:

That was touching. And now I am afraid someone will tear off my fingernails. Ow. I liked the story, and think you should do more short ones like it.


Ditto, but I'd give it at least 8.5/10 Wink
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yoinks. That was a good one. Made me squirm.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuckles wrote:
You must be willing to take the reader to places where they don't usually go and unflinchingly portray what they thought they would never read.


I know what you mean. Music wise, certain music has that effect on me and I do try to do that in my stuff. I have tried it in my poetry and one story. I did have a story with this kind of idea but the main character did get torture but his best friend got the worst. It was a longer story with a lot more to it but it got lost when my hard drive went out.

Chuckles wrote:
Well Solidus, danged if you didn't do every bit of that in this short little first-person story. You had me cringing, and that does not happen often. Well done Very Happy


Then I did my job.

And MasterSushi, your one pretty funny guy, and I hardly even know you but its like I known you all my life.

Thanks for the comments.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to be honest... Solidus, you dissapointed me here. Perhaps it is simply that you do not seem to post all that often, and so are out of practice. Even still, I expected better. I could have said all that with a bit more of a soft edge, but I thought that you would appreciate it straight forward. Now I suppose I have to get on to what made me shake my head upon reading this:

(Okay. Take a picture of your face, e-mail it over, and then continue reading this comment.)


Pah! I'm just kidding.

Now onto the real comment:


I did see a small problem with tenses in there. Just small portions that were not quite right. Though, they were not all that major of mistakes, and so did not overly impact the whole of the story. Just watch out for that in the future.

If this were not a short story, I would have something to say about the detail and all. I mean, it could have been a lot more intense and vivid; at least I think so. Things went by rather quickly. But, for this story, it was okay.

The diction could have been improved a bit. Things were a tad repedetive. Like the above, it just could have been done a bit better. It wasn't bad, but there's that room-for-improvement, ever present.


Overall, I liked it. I was not impacted (physically or otherwise) but it takes a bit to do that. Good work; just keep it up for the future.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MC's Cousin wrote:
I have to be honest... Solidus, you dissapointed me here. Perhaps it is simply that you do not seem to post all that often, and so are out of practice. Even still, I expected better. I could have said all that with a bit more of a soft edge, but I thought that you would appreciate it straight forward.


I don't like softies. Wink

And yes, I did appreciate it staight forward. Your one hell of a critic.

And thank you for the comment.
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