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This Is My House - Chapter 2

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:02 pm    Post subject: This Is My House - Chapter 2 Reply with quote

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This Is My House - Chapter 2
Posted by Odin of SoS. (kavika86@yahoo.com)
3 August 2005, 9:56 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Odin_of_SoS.0803052156201.html
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Odin of SoS.
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha! That's supposed to be chapter 1. What an IDIOT!!
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

man that was deep, i wasn't expecting that shotout at the end like that

ODST
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah it's supposed to be chapter one, other than that it was good. I wonder how David will react when he see's his wife has been shot.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh man, she had to die? Oh well, life is full of sorrow. Good job, Odin. Now I'm waiting to see what would happen next.

Good luck in future!
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 5:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fantastic. Excellent. Your details were right on when they got to town, and you nailed those human emotions. Excellent.

I will admit, I found myself skimming a bit when it came to nemesis-one's position from the car, but everything else was great. Maybe it was short, but I rather think it was simply THAT good that it flew by.

I will give you big ups for the killing off the wife. NEW PEOPLE, LOOK AT THIS. This is making us care. You attatched emotion (the wife's reactions to the deaths in the city), tragedy (the very people who were trying to save her were the ones who killed her), and rich detail in your conclusion, and it really got the job done. It read like something I would write, and I loved reading it. Lots of praise for this chapter.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would have shot her in the foot, stune her.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to see you postin', Odin.


Saw some small mistakes here and there. GPS stuff. Most of them were little things. So just be careful when looking over your story before you post it. Just a couple quick read-overs should be good. And if you already do that, just keep your eyes open wider.

The story seemed to pass by rather quickly. I started reading and then just a couple minutes later I was at the bottom of the page. Perhaps it is the first chapter, but I would have liked more.


Overall, this was good. I enjoyed reading it, and hope that it will be continued without too much of a delay. Keep it up.
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Odin of SoS.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks guys. i think either this one or "The Log" are the only real times people really complimented my writing. ill try and keep the quality up.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 2:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I reckon I liked it, I did, but I agree with the big man; yeah, that's right, MCC. It did pass rather quickly, but I found myself wondering if the emotion--not that it was lacking--could've been more stretched out than it was.

To be honest, though, I didn't expect the monster to be a human soldier; good on you for fooling me!
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