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The New Generation (Part1- Section2)

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 3:00 pm    Post subject: The New Generation (Part1- Section2) Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

The New Generation (Part1- Section2)
Posted by Zack Wilder (DMasterChief88@aol.com)
8 September 2004, 12:59 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=zack_wilder.0908040059062.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, the whole thing went by really fast. There was hardly any detail there at all. I see you tried to describe was was going on, but all that you really did was make it more jumbled. It got rededitive, and in fact, was fairly confusing. I knew what was going on, sure, but the whole thing was still like a blur. Also, some of your details were off, simply because you didn't exlpain any of them.
As for the writing, well, you need to format better. Be much more careful when you submit a post, so that those little cut offs don't happen. Also, you need to use the code.
Plus, try only submitting one chapter at a time. Length isn't always a bad thing, actually normally it is good. But not when you throw more than one chapter together like that.
I'm not so sure about the storyline you took up either. Having them become Marines and all, I just don't think that that's the way it would go down. And, well, Basic isn't all that cordial. It would be basic anyway, they wouldn't take two "assaulters" off the street and just stick them into combat, people need training first.
But then you... wait, have you been reading Ender's Game? Well, as much as I like Orsen Scott Card, I think that you need to explain things better next time around. As for Spartan training... just go read the books on that one.

Overall, well, I see you like to draw inspiration from other stories, this is okay. But please practice and keep working, hard. Very hard.
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I refuse to read this till you listen to people's comments and use the code.

ODST
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 1:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, whoever wrote this.

MC's Cousin is a noted, very mild-mannered and soft-spoken person. He gives concise, clear, constructive criticism, and is always willing to help the newcomers.

But I hold no pity for those who do not read the guidelines and use the preview button. I do not wish to flame you for your first offense, but I will hold it against you if you do not read the guidelines for your second story.

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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my head is gone
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Joined: 09 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

all i can say is that this sucks. i get bored reading it.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, Dave, I suppose. Maybe I'm going throgh a patience stage. But I do agree with the guidlines. There is absolutely no excuse (side the page refusing to load, in which case you should wait till it does) to not read the guidelines. They are right at the top of the submission form and are clearly labeled. I just wish more newer writers would read it. That's one reason I have the link in my signature. Giving anyone with my comment another set of no excuses not to have seen the guidelines.
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DMasterChief88
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Joined: 08 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay!!! I get it!!! I just don't have the f***ing time to correct the f***ing thing so shut the f*** up!!! :!: :!: :!: Look, I really want to get it right. All I have is about 15 minutes to work on it a day. :x :x :x

I hope all of you out there understand.

One more thing. I've been trying so hard to correct what MCC told me to correct that the whole thing fell apart. So if there were any of you out there that actually enjoyed it (HA! Yeah right), don't bother waiting for it.
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DMasterChief88
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Um, why aren't the emoticons working?
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright, just call down and relax. You don't have to fix everything right off the bat. If it is too much for you, and you find yourself struggling to get it done, just take it a little at a time. Don't stress over it and don't rush it.

As for emoticons, check if you have html on. Smile
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One more thing:

Remember Wu?

"If you can't be bothered to do this, we can't be bothered to post your fan fiction."

Now listen. If you are going to flame MCC, you are walking into a very, very, very grave mistake.

If you have fifteen minutes to work on it a day, then you should be more careful. I don't care if it takes you a month to come up with one chapter.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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DMasterChief88
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Joined: 08 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, I'm not gonna or try to flame MCC.

What did u mean "...then you should be more careful..." ???????
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