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Halo: The New Generation (Part 1 - Section1)

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 8:33 pm    Post subject: Halo: The New Generation (Part 1 - Section1) Reply with quote

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Halo: The New Generation (Part 1 - Section1)
Posted by Zack Wilder (DMasterChief88@aol.com)
5 September 2004, 4:01 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=zack_wilder.0905040401101.html
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, there were a few things I didn't like about this one. I see you fell into the temtation to include teenagers in a story. That can be ok, unless you go overboard with it, which you did. You gave your main characters abilities that made them better; understandable, but they are still only Human, and teenagers can really do all that stuff unless all they do is Martial Arts. You gave the fights a feel of a movie, where the main characters can some how kick some major ass without much happening. You did have one of them get hurt bad, but it was still a little too over the top.
Detail is another thing that the fight brought to my attention. You need to work on how you decribe things. Many parts of the fight were unclear, and mixed up. It was hard to really tell what was going on.
Also, I see you made another one of those falls into a temptation in a Halo fic: including the game. It wouldn't be a 21st century game; the game is about something that is happening for real in the Halo-verse. I think that a game like it may have come out, but I don't like the way you used it.
Also, your story was a little interesting, but wasn't all too right. The whole continuation thing and all. Some stuff just didn't add up. Just work on it, would ya?
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh

PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't read it because the formatting was so horrible. Please learn and use the code. The code is god around here. We worship and praise the code for not inflicting us with headaches. Look at MCCs comment, the link for the code is in his sig. Do it NOW.

ODST

feet first motherfuckers
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I almost forgot in my story-related quip there. Yes, watch your formatting too. You have to be careful when you cut and paste stories into the submission form.

By the way, look down right about ------------------------------ here V
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Remember my last warning?

We tried to set you right. I didn't flame you. But what did you do? You flamed MCC back for his support and care, and also his valuable time and consideration. Remember, I agree with Helljumper. I not only refuse to read your scribblings, but I'm going to say this:

I should have voted Conservative - not Liberal. Liberals don't support the things we need - Free abortions and Capital Punishment - ON YOU!

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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