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Epitaph of Destruction, Chapter IV: Plans
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:30 pm    Post subject: Epitaph of Destruction, Chapter IV: Plans Reply with quote

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Epitaph of Destruction, Chapter IV: Plans
Posted by Insomnia (karsinogen@gmail.com)
27 July 2005, 5:56 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Insomnia0727051756321.html
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for no comments! Mad
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Zephyr
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That hapens to me, so don't be sad. Excellent as always, however there were more GPS errors than in your previous ones. That may or may not be in direct conjuction with the fact that this one was turned out quicker than all the others as well...
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You'll get some comments.

Now, I will comment on this story later until I can get a better idea what is going on from reading the first several stories.
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just finished reading it a second time.

As always, the way you write the story from the Sangehli's view after Humanity has been driven into extinction. Never ceases to amaze me, very well done.

But now, i must ask you of a favor as well as all Veteran Authors here at HBOFF.

On the Seventh Page from the Conversations From The Universe is a letter written by the High Prophet of Truth. The translation is very tricky and extremely confusing. I've spent a good deal of my time in trying to figure out what the letter says.

So far, no avail on my part. So i ask you, my friends. To help me with this problem that I face. There is no key or translation for the Covenant letters.

Multiple times i have seen the same letters put together. However those letters hold two different meanings. On one side it is an A. But it also becomes an H. So, Insomnia and others, please help.

My screenname for AIM is: ShadwsofArchonia
Yahoo IM: ShadwsofArchonia
MSN: Shadow/email for MSN messenger is either - thehawaiiandude01@yahoo.com or shadwsofarchonia@yahoo.com
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

master chief wrote:
That hapens to me, so don't be sad. Excellent as always, however there were more GPS errors than in your previous ones. That may or may not be in direct conjuction with the fact that this one was turned out quicker than all the others as well...


Odd. I thought I had less than normal amount of GPS. I proofread. Of course, I could be mistaken.

And Shadow, I'll help. It's really hard, and I have tried to no avail, but I promise I'll do what I can.
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Zephyr
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You do have less, however there is still some. Don't worry, Your story is still the greatest currently running.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read it and it is pretty good man. But I'm still a little confused, can you explain a little more about this series?
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you read all of the Chapters? It should be a sufficient explanation, unless you want to know about the real gritty detail.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Explain more to me about these Yuuzhan Vong characters.
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Remember the New Jedi Order Series? No? Yes?

Anyway, here is a good link for information about them. They have a caste, similar to the Covenant. Go read.
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Solidus Snake
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh ok, nice, I like how dark and demon fanatical they look.

Maybe the Covenant has meet their match?
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 12:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They are both religiously motivated also, so you know...
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MCC, Dave, please comment. I need to learn from your critiquing.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

- Yeah, look at me. Late again. Yeah, what's with me not being able to get to work on time?

I wonder what a ship that big would be called? If it carries troops and vehicles, I'd call it a supercarrier, maybe.

The first thing, was the 'spotless floor.'

Maybe the second time you use 'spotless,' you should try something else. Maybe, the 'impeccably clean floor?' that would work. Try to avoid using the same words twice, especially if they are in consecutive sentences.

I don't really have anything to complain about the writing itself: I see you use short, quick journeys outside of fourth-wall territory, and that helps keep things more conversational, easier to dive into, and often shows that you're about to give a reason. Normally I don't like those, but you're doing them fine.

There's one thing I hate, though.
Locator caps. They are the bane of Halo Fanfic writers now. WORST thing possible. Why? They still backdrop you. Still do. Although we know where they are, they're on a ship, talking, and you describe it, you've TOLD, but not SHOWN us the larger scale. Without that locator cap, we'd have no idea where they would be in the universe. That's excusable, though.

The next thing is the Elite Speak.
Bang on target.
I guess you've shown that we don't need to throw in random terms toward holy lights and infidels and such. I also like how you made their names: softer, with less bite, giving a smoother feel toward them, and the easygoing attitude they seem to share in that conversation. That was excellently handled.

So how'd I rate this? Well, 'Som, y'know, I think it deserves a....

- Yaaawwwghhrnnnnn....

Naw! Just kiddin! It deserves a...

- Hell Yeah 'Som!

- Dave.
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