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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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Zephyr
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Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 275
Location: im at ur moms house lol
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 Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 2:05 am Post subject: |
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OMFG! YOU NEED EFFING INDENTATION!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?! I DIDN'T SEE IT ANYWHERE IN YOUR STORY!!!!! PUT IT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[indent] [indent] [indent]!!!!
simply type [indent] before the beginning of the paragraph if you didn't know! And if you DID know, you should;ve started doing it a long time ago!!!
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For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world, but lose his soul? |
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Solidus Snake
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 281
Location: A dying Metal Community
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:20 am Post subject: |
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Uh, yeah, what the hell is this? And what is up with the whole weapon thing? And, try to make more of a serious story that is well planned out and proofread.
Good luck. |
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Master Chief Spartan- 117
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 168
Location: Team Mate in combat... Waiting to respawn
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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I thought the series was good at first but once you started adding droids and orks you thoroughly screwed it. Humans would be ok but you got too many pov's going at once.
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Zen-Army
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Joined: 13 May 2005
Posts: 116
Location: fending off rouge carpet salesmen and the 100+ post land's Buddhist temple
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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These orks are like orcs? da fuck is all this then? orcs and halo?
thats like mixing iced tea with mayonase. |
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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This reminds of that game some of the kids are playin' nowadays. Battlehammer or Warhammer or something.
And wow, they call you crazy for a reason huh?
You seem to underline instead of italics. In fact you don't have any obvious grasp of the Code whatsoever.
Also, you shouldn't have to tell us a crapload of unecessary information which you expect us to remember, in an Author's Note at the beginning. I don't know if you've noticed, but when you read a book, there isn't an Author's Note at the beginning telling everybody a summary of what's what. To quote Dave: "Go read a book, then come back." |
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Zen-Army
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Joined: 13 May 2005
Posts: 116
Location: fending off rouge carpet salesmen and the 100+ post land's Buddhist temple
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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authors notes are a most vile abomination. you should explian everything in your story.
and it is warhammer 40k or something like that. space orcs man, they have space orcs. WTF |
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Zen-Army
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Joined: 13 May 2005
Posts: 116
Location: fending off rouge carpet salesmen and the 100+ post land's Buddhist temple
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| Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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| i haven't been following this series, but thats one hell of a sci fi quagmire. droids, space orcs. space orcs man, they're space orcs! how the hell did that happen? oh god, i'm freakin' out, man! |
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Mark25
BANNED
Joined: 12 Jul 2005
Posts: 192
Location: Single and seriously pissed
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | authors notes are a most vile abomination |
| Quote: | | Also, you shouldn't have to tell us a crapload of unecessary information which you expect us to remember, in an Author's Note at the beginning. I don't know if you've noticed, but when you read a book, there isn't an Author's Note at the beginning telling everybody a summary of what's what. |
Guys I hate to disagree but have you ever read George Orwell's 1984, there's a whole section dedicated to doublethink and double speech, also Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One hundred years of solitude, there's a timeline-family-tree explaining the relationship between all the characters, both instances to be fair had no other means of explaining away these details without ruining the pace of their respective tales, so I'm sure this guy was probably just trying to justify the same action. By the way dude I did like the choppa/ 'uge choppa it certainly raised a smile, the story is very imagination-intense-heavy, but like someone else says here it could do with a little more refinement.
Space orcs or plain orcs I have no idea if there is a difference, so I'm afraid its not a point I can dispute unless orcs are the ground-faring cousins of space orcs, I just don't know, sorry.
Some people don't like too many povs, I can't say that I mind if that happens myself.
I always thought underline and italics meant the same thing; variant emphasis on those particular words, just my thought thats all.
Zen-Army you don't seem to like this crossover type thing do you or is it just this particular series? lol (hope you like transformers).
Master chief dude first you rip it for lack of indentation and then you call the other guys harsh, er...
I'm looking forward to seeing (reading) the firefight in the next episode, I want to see who you side with overall.
Nice imagination too. |
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Zen-Army
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Joined: 13 May 2005
Posts: 116
Location: fending off rouge carpet salesmen and the 100+ post land's Buddhist temple
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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i pretty much hate crossovers, but as you have seen, i don't trash people's work becuase of it. i just question why orcs would be in space or what ever. orcs belong in the LotR, not sci fi.
although, i'd like to see a halo/aperion crossover. don't get it?... thought so. |
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