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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.
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 Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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One minute I'm checking through the last batch, the next I am looking at several new pieces. This was on the top, so...
Noticed some small flow issues. Little wording changes that could have made certain sentenses just sound a bit better. For instance, in the very first paragaph:
| Quote: | | Tombstones jutted out of the ground like endless rows of decaying teeth; |
A great description, but I think that if "...jutted out of the..." had been "...jutted from the..." ground the words would have read a bit smoother. A small issue, but still something to watch out for.
Other than that, I was being sucked into the story far too much to notice any other small mistakes.
Wonderful work. I felt the emotion of each of those segments. At least in memory, this was the best chapter yet. Good work, Chuck. Keep it up.
_________________
-MCC |
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HELSING
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Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Dark, sad, good, evil, hate, fear, love, sorrow, pain, pain. =C.T. Clown. Great story as usual, but man, there is good in the world. |
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Elitehunter676
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 61
Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.
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| Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Whoa! |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:46 am Post subject: |
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HELSING wrote:
| Quote: | Great story as usual, but man, there is good in the world.
|
 I love that comment. If I ever wondered if I was conveying the darkness of it all clearly enough, now I know.
Believe it or not, this story will have a some of the world's goodness in it. I will be contrasting the good against the darkness far more than I did in Mission from SATU or Ghosts of Erebus. The good is coming ( along with plenty of darkness )
C.T. Clown |
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:49 am Post subject: |
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Chuckles, I have to be honest. You didn't do all that great of a job. For starters, everything seemed misplaced and awkward, and that little intro was really bad--in a bad way. Sorry, but this is the lowest chapter yet.
Or, I could be lying, and you actually did a fantastic job. I know I usually find one or two things big enough to point out, but not this time. It would appear as if you are improving. 
Good plot progresson, very few (and minor) mistakes. Some areas I might have reworded, but it was purely personal preference. I'm waiting for Part Five.
-Russ |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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Russ wrote:
| Quote: | | Chuckles, I have to be honest. You didn't do all that great of a job. For starters, everything seemed misplaced and awkward, and that little intro was really bad--in a bad way. Sorry, but this is the lowest chapter yet. |
I especially loved the part about my intro being really bad "in a bad way" Hey, I'm sorry, but I don't know any other way to be 'bad'! Thanks for the humor and the comments.
Thanks to MCC, and Elitehunter as well (I already got you HELSING )
C.T. Clown |
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Elitehunter676
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 61
Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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Hey cool, I got thanked for saying pretty much nothing. Yeah.  |
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HELSING
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Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm waiting anxiously for the next installments. |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:46 am Post subject: |
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Elitehunter wrote:
| Quote: | | Hey cool, I got thanked for saying pretty much nothing. Yeah. |
Are you kidding? "Whoa!" is one of the best comments an author can get
C.T. Clown |
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Radont
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Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 36
Location: Michigan
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:34 am Post subject: |
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Your knack for consistently putting out well written chapters amazes and boggles me.
EDIT: Bad case of thinking too much.
Last edited by Radont on Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:17 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Chuckles
Member
Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:17 am Post subject: |
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Radont! How long have I been begging you to write some Halo fanfiction?
Probably none of you know Radont, but he writes fanfiction for the game Morrowind and sometimes helps me with a proofread. He is easily one of the best fanfiction writers I know, and I've been hoping to see some Halo fics from him--but no luck so far. You can check out his stuff HERE.
Good to see you on here, Radont.
C.T. Clown |
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:55 am Post subject: |
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I'm gonna wait for your final instalment before I start commenting on this properly.
Maybe your next series could have a rainbow in it or something? |
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Chuckles
Member
Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:33 pm Post subject: |
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Sushi wrote:
| Quote: | | Maybe your next series could have a rainbow in it or something? |
Heck, I'll have a rainbow for you in the next chapter--and in exchange I expect you to comment properly
C.T. Clown |
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MasterSushi
Member
Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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Done. 
Well it was of the usual greatness, with good utilisation of the Code.
I was also very happy to see that it was of a good hearty length, because most of the stuff nowadays seems to me to just be five hundred part series, with each installment being around four paragraphs long.
I would have liked it to have even MORE description in, but only because then it would last longer and I wouldn't have reached the end so fast .
Catch you later, I can't wait to see that rainbow. |
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