HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Waking the Dead (part four): Two Monsters
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 6:11 pm    Post subject: Waking the Dead (part four): Two Monsters Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Waking the Dead (part four): Two Monsters
Posted by Chuckles
18 July 2005, 12:23 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Chuckles0718051223551.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One minute I'm checking through the last batch, the next I am looking at several new pieces. This was on the top, so...


Noticed some small flow issues. Little wording changes that could have made certain sentenses just sound a bit better. For instance, in the very first paragaph:
Quote:
Tombstones jutted out of the ground like endless rows of decaying teeth;

A great description, but I think that if "...jutted out of the..." had been "...jutted from the..." ground the words would have read a bit smoother. A small issue, but still something to watch out for.

Other than that, I was being sucked into the story far too much to notice any other small mistakes.

Wonderful work. I felt the emotion of each of those segments. At least in memory, this was the best chapter yet. Good work, Chuck. Keep it up.
_________________
-MCC
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
HELSING
Member


Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 151

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dark, sad, good, evil, hate, fear, love, sorrow, pain, pain. =C.T. Clown. Great story as usual, but man, there is good in the world.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Elitehunter676
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 61
Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whoa!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HELSING wrote:
Quote:
Great story as usual, but man, there is good in the world.

Very Happy I love that comment. If I ever wondered if I was conveying the darkness of it all clearly enough, now I know.

Believe it or not, this story will have a some of the world's goodness in it. I will be contrasting the good against the darkness far more than I did in Mission from SATU or Ghosts of Erebus. Very Happy The good is coming Very Happy (Twisted Evil along with plenty of darkness Twisted Evil)

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
russ687
Member


Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuckles, I have to be honest. You didn't do all that great of a job. For starters, everything seemed misplaced and awkward, and that little intro was really bad--in a bad way. Sorry, but this is the lowest chapter yet.

Or, I could be lying, and you actually did a fantastic job. I know I usually find one or two things big enough to point out, but not this time. It would appear as if you are improving. Wink

Good plot progresson, very few (and minor) mistakes. Some areas I might have reworded, but it was purely personal preference. I'm waiting for Part Five.

-Russ
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 12:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Russ wrote:
Quote:
Chuckles, I have to be honest. You didn't do all that great of a job. For starters, everything seemed misplaced and awkward, and that little intro was really bad--in a bad way. Sorry, but this is the lowest chapter yet.

I especially loved the part about my intro being really bad "in a bad way" Very Happy Hey, I'm sorry, but I don't know any other way to be 'bad'! Thanks for the humor and the comments.

Thanks to MCC, and Elitehunter as well (I already got you HELSING Very Happy)

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Elitehunter676
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 61
Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey cool, I got thanked for saying pretty much nothing. Yeah. Cool
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
HELSING
Member


Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 151

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm waiting anxiously for the next installments.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elitehunter wrote:
Quote:
Hey cool, I got thanked for saying pretty much nothing. Yeah.

Are you kidding? "Whoa!" is one of the best comments an author can get Very Happy

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Radont
Member


Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 36
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your knack for consistently putting out well written chapters amazes and boggles me.

EDIT: Bad case of thinking too much.


Last edited by Radont on Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:17 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Radont! How long have I been begging you to write some Halo fanfiction?

Probably none of you know Radont, but he writes fanfiction for the game Morrowind and sometimes helps me with a proofread. He is easily one of the best fanfiction writers I know, and I've been hoping to see some Halo fics from him--but no luck so far. You can check out his stuff HERE.

Good to see you on here, Radont.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MasterSushi
Member


Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm gonna wait for your final instalment before I start commenting on this properly.

Maybe your next series could have a rainbow in it or something?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sushi wrote:
Quote:
Maybe your next series could have a rainbow in it or something?

Heck, I'll have a rainbow for you in the next chapter--and in exchange I expect you to comment properly Very Happy

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MasterSushi
Member


Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Done. Smile

Well it was of the usual greatness, with good utilisation of the Code.

I was also very happy to see that it was of a good hearty length, because most of the stuff nowadays seems to me to just be five hundred part series, with each installment being around four paragraphs long.

I would have liked it to have even MORE description in, but only because then it would last longer and I wouldn't have reached the end so fast Wink .

Catch you later, I can't wait to see that rainbow.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
Page 1 of 3

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group