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Trial by Fire

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:44 pm    Post subject: Trial by Fire Reply with quote

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Trial by Fire
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
12 July 2005, 3:28 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jillybean0712051528121.html
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mooching sack of death
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Joined: 20 Apr 2005
Posts: 25
Location: bleh

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 9:47 pm    Post subject: yaaayayayayayayay Reply with quote

its so good to hear from you again after all these years......muahaha. anyhoo that story was great, extrememly refreshing and a little confusing at first. thanks for providing the link for the picture otherwise i would have never known what the hell you were talking about. yeah the tail thing kind of got me off guard, maybe i should have looked at the picture first.....moochers. Wink
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Zephyr
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Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 275
Location: im at ur moms house lol

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good. Good. You sound familiar, Jilly...but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh well.
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For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world, but lose his soul?
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good. Had some overly human effects to it, but they were placed well enough not to be a hinderance. The flow was excellent, and your descriptions were on par--though more scenery details could be nice. The ending was not strong, but left the reader with a slight premontion. Overall, nice job.

However, I have to ask, what is with the Author's Note craze going around? I mean, I understand why you added that, but doing the whole AN thing is really, in my opinion, disgraceful to your own work. Try something like:

Quote:
Inspired by a illustration sketched by Pinkuh.

And then put the link in a post on the forum, rather than...
Quote:
AN: Inspired by Pinkuh's drawing, here -
http://www.deviantart.com/view/19654999/
Here's a little story.


Looks a lot, lot better and doesn't make it seem so nonchalant. Also, we already know you wrote it, so it's really not needed in there like the AN, though some poeple do like rendundancy.

-Russ
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Jillybean
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Joined: 17 Dec 2004
Posts: 299

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quite asides from 'rendundancy' it is always good practice to label ones work.

A young craftsman was once asked to make a very prestigious lampost. This lampost was to bear the crest of the city and to stand outside the Palace of the People. All over the world, people would recognise it as a symbol of peace and freedom.

The young craftsman worked very hard, and was very proud of his accomplishments. When his father, who worked in the same trade, said to him:

"Carve your name in the inside of the fish, and then everyone will know that you made this."

The young craftsman laughed and said:

"I shall do no such thing! My name will be mentioned on the plaque dedicated to the craftsmen who worked on this Palace."

His father shook his head and said to him:

"Son, you are young and unimportant, although very skilled. Carve your name, somewhere inconscpicuous, so that everyone may know whose fine work this is."

But the young craftsman would not.

When the job was complete, he marvelled at his talent, and took all his friends and his sweetheart to the Palace so they may see his name on the plaque, but it was not there. The young craftsman tried in vain to persuade his friends that the fine metalworking was his, but they laughed at him and said it was not.

The old craftsman merely shook his head.
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, a fine piont. However, did you not type "Jillybean" in the author's name area prior to posting? Moreover, did you not add your own email address? I agree, always denote your work, but not twice, because redundancy aside, it can often be seen as vain or idiotic.

But it's your choice. I will always frown upon seeing such a thing, but most readers here won't, mostly because attention to detail exists not in the masses. So regardless of my opinion, you will forever be in the clear with the majority, which is what authors want, right?

Good God, what have we become?

-Russ
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Jillybean
Darth Diva


Joined: 17 Dec 2004
Posts: 299

PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Russ . . . wtf?

If you want to call me vain and idiotic, fine - but leave the damn authors notes alone. What'd they ever do to you?
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Gammamee
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Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Posts: 46
Location: The only place a man can call home...his home...

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 7:44 pm    Post subject: Story Reply with quote

Is Jillybean the administrator I only been here for a few months and I want to talk to a friggn' admin.!
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jilly is a Moderator, the Admin is Wu, but Wado acts on his behalf most of the time, PM him.
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