HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Posted by Dagorath (hoyinshan@gmail.com)
12 July 2005, 2:43 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Dagorath0712050243201.html

Odin of SoS. · Member Joined: 27 Nov 2004 Posts: 85 Location: Iraq

well i liked it. i thought it was well written. but im dont really look for mistakes. i just like to read. and i dont like half jaw being so dumb. i really liked him. Smile

Helljumper · Member Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 298 Location: Pittsburgh

I stopped after you gave a Brute the human military rank of Lieutenant. Come on man, thats not how the Covenant talk.

ODST

Zephyr · Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:17 pm Post subject:

Hell jumper has a good point. But there is no way Half-Jaw would be that stupid. If he doesn't know that The Great Journey is fake, he would never turn against the Arbiter because He called him a fool. He is smarter than that. It could cause a rift within the Elites.
The story was well-written, but I didn't like how you made Half-Jaw seem like an idiot.
_________________
For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world, but lose his soul?

Dagorath · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 2:44 am Post subject:

Not all true. Note that Tartarus was the "Brute General", so it would be reasonable that there would be other ranks. Since we don't know the Covenant's, and indeed the Brutes' language, the game translates for us: Unggoy to Grunt, Sangheili to Elite etc. "General" is a translation, just as "Lieutenant" is a translation, and therefore Helljumper's point is irrelevant.

As to Half-Jaw's stupidity, I guess he was getting pretty dumb. But it's hard to say who knows what. Did the Arbiter know of the invasion of High Charity by Gravemind? Does the Master Chief know that Tartarus had been killed by the Arbiter? What does the Spec Ops Commander know? It is for us, the authors, and you, the readers, to piece out for ourselves.

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 4:57 am Post subject:

Actually, Tartarus was not the Brute "General". He was their Chieftan. Similar equivalency, but definitely different phrasing. I guess you could look up Indian caste system and see what lower levels would be called there.

Dagorath · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 5:06 am Post subject:

Really? Well, this must be a little misinformation on my part. That means Tartarus must be the "grand" Chieftain, because there must be a lot of Brutes out there, so Interitus would be some sort of smaller Chieftain. However, it is also possible that he is some sort of Captain or even Lieutenant, as he is the captain of the Honour Guards which Truth had brought with him, as seen in the story.

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 5:34 am Post subject:

I suppose if you made him a chieftain of a small tribe of Brutes he would only be a Captain or Lieutenant in the big picture; but still extremely important to his men. Just trying to think of ways to help you incorporate it.

Zephyr · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:36 pm Post subject:

I'd say he kows everything currently happening. He has Elites everywhere, so it would be hard to believe they didn't inform him of Tatrarus's death and the Flood's invasion of High Charity.
_________________
For what is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world, but lose his soul?

Dagorath · Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 3:59 am Post subject:

I guess it's what you believe that matters. Imagine: Half-Jaw had been indoctrinated by the Prophets all his life: only the "Sacred Rings" could start the Great Journey etc etc. YOu can't really blame him for disbelieving the Arbiter. It's like someone tells you that the world is actually a pyramid. He lays all the evidence before you but you won't believe him, at least not for a while, cos it goes in against everything you've learnt: the earth is round etc. Add to the fact that we only know that the earth is round for about a hundred odd years: who knows how long the Prophets have said the Halos are the path to salvation? Ever since the foundation of the Covenant, and that's probably pretty long.

Mainevent · Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:33 am Post subject:

If by hundred some odd years you mean half a millenium...sure. Columbus definitely proved the world was round...in 1492...

Though it was generally acknowledged that the world was not flat by the first century.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_Earth

Dagorath · Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:47 am Post subject:

Well, I'm not a great historian myself, but you see the implications to Half-Jaw: his parents told him the Halos needed to be activated to begin the Great Journey, his grandparents told his parents, he would probably have told his own children, if he had any.

Bronzemage · Member Joined: 30 Dec 2004 Posts: 100

Very well done!

You captured the mood well, and it was written clearly, with no spelling or grammar mistakes that I could see.

I was a little skeptical about Half-Jaw being so short-tempered that he'd turn against the Arbiter for calling him a "fool", and that the Arbiter would ever call him it. They're both supposed to be masters of this mystical Elite martial art, so why couldn't they control their anger?

It was also quite strange that Truth turned up in a chamber with the Arbiter and the SpecOps Commander, when they were all on different sides of the galaxy. Still, you did it so well I'm going to let that slide.

Yeah, I agree it was very well done, and despite some small problems people have with it, I liked it.

Dagorath · Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:49 am Post subject:

Thanks. I did quite a lot of drafts for that one.

I know, maybe Half-Jaw and the Arbiter were being a bit short-tempered. But that was probably because of being faced by Truth and wanting to punch out his ugly face.

The story happens in an unknown part of Halo 3, probably near the end. I imagine it's the Ark or something, and Truth knows about it, and the Arbiter has just arrived (which explains why Keyes and Johnson are there).

(Na)Marl · Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 12:39 pm Post subject:

--I stopped somewhere around the same point Helljumper did. I don't know the official ranks of the Brutes, but theres:
Minor
Major
Captain
Honor Guard
Chieftain

--There is no Lieutenant. I also would have any call Half-Jaw by his nickname. That's just what Bungie called him because they hadn't givin him an official Elite name. Make one up yourself.