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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351
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Mark Lieberg Member

Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 770 Location: South Korea
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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geez...what happened to the saying "No one gets left behind?" them bastards. _________________ Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)" |
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Nick Kang Member

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 688 Location: Michigan State University
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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It sucks to be them, don't it?
I liked it, just like all of your other work. The combat was well planned, and the sadness of war was, for the most part, brought out. If there's a sequel, I'll be waiting for it eagerly. _________________ Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter. |
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Helljumper Member
Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 298 Location: Pittsburgh
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:24 pm Post subject: |
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the arr from the pirates was funny. the first two paragraph started out ackwardly for me but the story picked up and came off great.
ODST |
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Odin of SoS. Member
Joined: 27 Nov 2004 Posts: 85 Location: Iraq
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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| lol. i just had to toss that pirate thing in there. they're modeled after my team. same names and everything. everyone here calls me yogi. so i put that in there. but. thanks for reading. |
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Guardian BANNED

Joined: 26 Aug 2004 Posts: 831 Location: Kicked to the curb.
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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Listen to Enemy Within - Arch Enemy as you read this story
Makes you hate the old Covenant so much more. |
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Mainevent Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 796 Location: Mobel, Abalama
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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Very good Odin. Way to make a comeback.
Stinking invisible Elites always sneaking up on people.
Grr.
Really got the emotions across and makes you feel for the team.
Good job. |
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Odin of SoS. Member
Joined: 27 Nov 2004 Posts: 85 Location: Iraq
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:44 pm Post subject: |
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| why thank ya gents |
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Bronzemage Member
Joined: 30 Dec 2004 Posts: 100
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 1:53 am Post subject: |
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Yeah that was good. You didn't stick with the normal stuff thta goes on in Halo, you improvised with your own stuff.
Well done. |
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Syotica Moderator

Joined: 26 Sep 2004 Posts: 579 Location: Northern Michigan
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:45 pm Post subject: |
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One hell of a story dude.
Nice work. |
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Odin of SoS. Member
Joined: 27 Nov 2004 Posts: 85 Location: Iraq
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 3:21 am Post subject: |
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| heh. i remember back in the day there were all sorts of readers during the summer. i guess ppl just grow up. |
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Recent Flood Victim Member
Joined: 11 Dec 2004 Posts: 51 Location: A place where Rednecks run wild, and liberals are prey
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 5:50 am Post subject: |
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Haha..I liked it. Keep up the good work.
Your neighborhood friend,
RFV |
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MC's Cousin Mr. 1337

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:02 pm Post subject: |
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And at last I made it here.
There was still that short, crispness to the writing. Some of it--to me--came across as telling. Other parts came across as fragments. Still, it was a good read, even though I thought some elements could have been improved.
Saw some smaller, minor errors. GPS stuff. Like a comma where it shouldn't have been.
Things went by a bit quickly during that ambush-like two senarios. I was thinking to myself that if they had been prolongued a bit it would have been more impacting. But I suppose that doing the scene through a radio has its limitations.
Pretty emotional.
One thing I didn't get: You mentioned orange explosions and plasma. I could see a human grenade (the fire) glowing orange, but not plasma. Never seen that before. Just a small detail I wasn't sure about.
Overall, this was very nice. I enjoyed it. A nice short story with some emotion to it. Keep up the work, Odin. _________________ -MCC |
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Mainevent Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 796 Location: Mobel, Abalama
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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| I think that meant there were frag and plasma grenades going off. |
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Odin of SoS. Member
Joined: 27 Nov 2004 Posts: 85 Location: Iraq
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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| exactly |
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