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Grunts of Lore: Chapter 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:11 pm    Post subject: Grunts of Lore: Chapter 1 Reply with quote

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Grunts of Lore: Chapter 1
Posted by Alex Bianca (snoopy1528@charter.net)
1 July 2005, 7:19 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alex_Bianca0701051919271.html
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(Dak)Arbiter
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Joined: 05 Jul 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought is was a very good story, especially since it can fit into the campaign so well. Also, the grunt names were really good and sounded awesome. The only thing you could work on is maybe using paragraphs but other than that it was great. Good job!
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Syotica
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Joined: 26 Sep 2004
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Location: Upper Peninsula, Michigan

PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GPS Errors galore, text wall of doom, mediocre plotline.

2/10

~Insomnia
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Jester
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Joined: 26 May 2005
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Location: Greenville, South Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Destroy the TEXT WALL OF DOOM Please please please go read the posts about the code. I'll even make this easy for you. Here's the link. http://hboff.bungie.org/viewtopic.php?t=527 Keep working on your stuff and pay attention to the comments you get.
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Guardian
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Joined: 26 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jester how the hell do you have more posts than I, and i've been here longer than you.

Its mind baffling.
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Jester
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Joined: 26 May 2005
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Location: Greenville, South Carolina

PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He he he. Very Happy

On an on-topic note, just keep trying with your stories. They will improve if you work hard.
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Zephyr
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Joined: 25 May 2005
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Location: im at ur moms house lol

PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 2:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Code. Code. Code. Code. Text Wall Of Doom.
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Syotica
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Joined: 26 Sep 2004
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Location: Upper Peninsula, Michigan

PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and the Covenant do not refer to their superiors as 'sir'. They refer to them as 'Excellency', 'Lord', 'Grace', and other terms as such. Also, spell out your numbers.
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SKyCapt
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Joined: 01 Jul 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 5:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welll, the only errors are that Grunts don't carry more 2 weapons, in fact, in the game, they only carry about 2-4 Plasma 'nades and a) a Plasma Pistol, b) a needler, or something, else I forgot. Other than that, good story, keep it up. But please don't go and mix your story with Star Wars in other chapter... Neutral It kinda ruins it.
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