HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Argave Chronicles - Episode 1

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 2:37 pm    Post subject: Argave Chronicles - Episode 1 Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Argave Chronicles - Episode 1
Posted by Conrad Lauf (conniesworld_aka_hell@hotmail.com)
31 August 2004, 11:43 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=conrad_lauf.0831041143291.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice job. I like how you give Argave a sense of humor. And this business of adding 20th century references (break-dancing, for example) into something that is supposed to be occurring in the 26th century? I love it.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Helljumper
Member


Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't finnish it but almost every paragraph started with Argrave, it gets repititive.

ODST
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Conrad Lauf
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I'm having one of those phases where I tend to do that. Don't worry, I'm working on it.

Cheers Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Needs indentation. Yeah, work on that repeditiveness for us, use more terms than his name (like Spartan, soldier, rank, etc.). I think that he would have killed the Elite though, knowing that it was a danger, and an enemy, and a witness. But whatever. Also, you need to work on your battle detail. It was barely okay. It wasn't that great because you didn't use enough detail to make it easy to keep track of, or get a clear picture of; things just got jumbles up.
_________________
-MCC
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Conrad Lauf
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sat Sep 04, 2004 5:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, writing close combat scenes is actually really hard, especially when you have to describe moves that each character does. In times like this, I REALLY wish I could make a visual description of what's going on, like a short movie.
Probably for my next story, I'll make it focus more on vehicular combat with cool stunts...

Cheers Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group