HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

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Argave Chronicles - Episode 1
Posted by Conrad Lauf (conniesworld_aka_hell@hotmail.com)
31 August 2004, 11:43 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=conrad_lauf.0831041143291.html

Chuckles · Posted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 3:21 pm Post subject:

Nice job. I like how you give Argave a sense of humor. And this business of adding 20th century references (break-dancing, for example) into something that is supposed to be occurring in the 26th century? I love it.

C.T. Clown

Helljumper · Member Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 298 Location: Pittsburgh

I didn't finnish it but almost every paragraph started with Argrave, it gets repititive.

ODST

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

Yeah, I'm having one of those phases where I tend to do that. Don't worry, I'm working on it.

Cheers Smile

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Needs indentation. Yeah, work on that repeditiveness for us, use more terms than his name (like Spartan, soldier, rank, etc.). I think that he would have killed the Elite though, knowing that it was a danger, and an enemy, and a witness. But whatever. Also, you need to work on your battle detail. It was barely okay. It wasn't that great because you didn't use enough detail to make it easy to keep track of, or get a clear picture of; things just got jumbles up.
_________________
-MCC

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

Yeah, writing close combat scenes is actually really hard, especially when you have to describe moves that each character does. In times like this, I REALLY wish I could make a visual description of what's going on, like a short movie.
Probably for my next story, I'll make it focus more on vehicular combat with cool stunts...

Cheers Very Happy