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Fire Team Tango-chapter III
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:09 am    Post subject: Fire Team Tango-chapter III Reply with quote

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Fire Team Tango-chapter III
Posted by Zen-Army
15 June 2005, 7:05 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=zen-army.0615051905093.html
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 2:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry if I kept anyone waiting. don't controdict my previous statement, that would make me sad.

There might be issues with the flow of this story. I'm not sure if there are, but I started towwards the end and went back and forth filling it in. I didn't find any, but that may be becuase I wrote it. anyway, if you find any, be sure to tell me.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I saw some GPS. I wish that you would have described the town they started in. Was it ed and nearly destroyed or still pristine? Other than that I didn't see much else. I didn't think that the flow dropped off at the end, though the "*** snarled Orna" were a little hard to get used to.
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you mean the city o' Wayland which i mentioned at the beginning? It wasn't destroyed. the covenant only took the town in chapters I and II as a diversion for covert operations in the mines beneath and around the city. As i mentioned, ONI lost expeditionary teams down there. they had to be looking for something that the covenant were looking for as well. add in the forerunner machinery and construct and you find out why ONI is so interested in this small planet.

That leads me to the whole martial law thing. They want the city locked down so they can go about thier operations. the martial law served two purposes: To lock down the city and to provide a smoke screen. A large amount of troops in a city wouldn't go unnoticed and those troops need to maintian order so there you go. a multiple purposes for martial law.

I could go further into all that, but i wont.

anyway, I see what you mean about the city. It dose seem like it was attacked with all the troops and the makeshift outposts.

as for the elite snarling its senteces, well it just seemed like something an elite would do when it was pissed.

I think i know what disrupted the flow towwards the end of the story. i belive it was the *** things and that the last parts were seperate segments which weren't connected together.

Thanks for the feedback. I always appreciate it.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, the *** just confused me at first.
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the *** were supposed to be spaced out, but the code won't let me do multiple indents, as least as far as I know. its like in the halo novels were they had them.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I see. I'm pretty sure you can do multiple indents. Ask Dave.
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I shall attempt that later.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Where in the Halo novels?
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 3:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've seen them in at least one novel, but can't remember where. they take the place of one of those line-break things.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. A ton of other books do that too.
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JCDentonCZ
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you call a Novel a series? I'm not sure about that... and Zen, I see you are definately improving, good job. Just watch what the others said and what the Regulars got to say about this. Wink

- JC
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad to see i'm improving. I've got two more chapters before this one is finished, and then I was thnking about writting a halo based comedy involving a half assed attempt at rescueing cortana from high charity. then i might re-write my first halo based story which i never posted. I like the story line I created. its pretty cool and involves a massive Covenant conspiracy. conspiracies seem to run rampant through all my stories.

well, anyway, two more chapters to go.
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JCDentonCZ
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Come on, my name says enough.



Needless to say, I getcha. It's good to try it out, since we all know the bonds in the Covenant are not so thick anymore. hahaha.

You do have some good ideas, but when writing a comedy, it's not like it's easier than a serious story, so don't do it for that. Wink

What I am trying to do, is put subtle jokes into it, while keeping it serious, mostly. Just keep it humane. Wink

- JC
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Zen-Army
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

its just an idea i had. I'm not gonna write something becuase its easier than the other option, unless its for school which sucks, so cutting corners is exceptable.

I thought fire team tango would end up being longer, but it didn't. the ending may be unexpected. hopefully it is.

theres also my origional story which I want to re do. there's things i would do differently, the the majority of the plot would remain the same.
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