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holy attack pt. 1 Zurree

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 3:33 pm    Post subject: holy attack pt. 1 Zurree Reply with quote

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holy attack pt. 1 Zurree
Posted by Agnischief@ (mjblatter@verision.net)
12 June 2005, 8:33 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=agnischief@.0612052033581.html
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Text Wall, i'm not dealing with this shit anymore. I'm getting tired of people not bieng able to follow simple directions in Big Blue Letters that lead to a link on Directions of Use.

I would simply say your story sucks, but it doesn't. The only reason i'm going in that direction is because of one F*cking paragraph, that's supposed to be more than one.

maybe you'll get better comments from others.
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Michael Archer
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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Earth, Inner Planets, Too bad it won't let me go farther.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:10 pm    Post subject: story Reply with quote

capitalisation errors, speling errors, and [b]CODE[/b.

If you didn't see anything wrong with the above sentence, you really need to work on writing.

"Covenant", Capital "A".

"Hierarchs". Go to dictionary.com, and you can work on spelling.

Read through the whole story for the last mistake.

Oops, I almost forgot. TEXT WALL OF DOOM Remember to seperate paragraphs.

Good luck on your next one.
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JCDentonCZ
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Joined: 14 Oct 2004
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Location: The Netherlands

PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shadow wrote:
Text Wall, i'm not dealing with this shit anymore. I'm getting tired of people not bieng able to follow simple directions in Big Blue Letters that lead to a link on Directions of Use.

I would simply say your story sucks, but it doesn't. The only reason i'm going in that direction is because of one F*cking paragraph, that's supposed to be more than one.

maybe you'll get better comments from others.


Someone needs his vitamin drink?


Never give up man. Noobs become great writers if forged good.

You see:

Bad tools manufacture crude tools.
Crude tools manufacture basic tools.
Basic tools manufacture better tools
Better tools manufacture precise tools

Or something along that direction.

It means, that all starts with a bad thing, but need to have this and follow every step, for else you cannot reach the ultimate goal of great writerships.

So, I say, I hope this guy listens and cares to learn. If he doesn't, email him. etcetera.

- JC
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Zephyr
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Location: im at ur moms house lol

PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The effing text wall of doom. Seperate your paragraphs, and why the hell were there only two?? Code. Code Code Code Code. Code Code Code. You need the effing Code.
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dom1
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Location: Merrily chasing my pet grunty Cuckoo in 100+ post land!! I made it!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why (myself included) do most new people write such f*cking short ass stories with no code. I did that, and I regret it. But I read the Code, use, thing. I'm just lazy. Wink

But still, I, and many others, wish (more like scream and curse) for the new people to try to get as many things done right as possible. JUST F*CKING TRY< AT LEAST!!!!

C'mon n00bs, try.


*sigh* I need to take more vitamins. Rolling Eyes
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SYSTEM
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2005 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Come on, what kind of opening was this?

Quote:
. I am field master Zukka 'Zurree a battalion leader, if a few grunts, jackals, and elites count. Being an elite is a reward for my species and I. "computer", I said in my gruff, loud voice," access armor chamber." A small sphere - like robot, or "monitor" entered from a small shaft.


"Being an elite is a reward for my species and I"? Watch the grammar.

Your settings backdrop, they're not there at all from the way you've just captioned and left everything unfinished.

"Covenant city High charity [ninth age of reclamation] 04028 hrs."

Okay. For all we know now, as described, the high charity's nothing but a black void with a few objects, and actors. The characters are flat and show no work and no personality with little depth, and the settings are nonexistent. Avoid locator captions. No, avoid them.

Another thing: crack open a novel. Look at how it's done first before you try it yourself.

Work at it. If you're not willing to try your best, put forth an effort, and show hard work, then that's not writing. That's random wording.

Go to school, read up, and master the prerequisites.

And code. Learn the code. Read the guidelines.

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.


Last edited by SYSTEM on Wed Jun 15, 2005 9:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2005 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It had a lot of potential, I'll tell you that.

Whenever someone new speaks, always be sure to start a new paragraph. This goes along with capitalizing the first letter of speech, as if it were a regular sentence. Also, the Code would be pretty cool, instead of the Text Wall Of Doom (TWOD). Numerous GPS (Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling) errors also bogged it down a bit. Be sure to run your story through a spellchecker before you submit it. Another tip I would give you is to proofread it several times, making corrections whenever you spot a place that needs them.

Good luck with your next piece! Very Happy
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Wiley K.
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Location: Neutralizing the guards to 1000+ post land. They don't seem too competent.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2005 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Listen to Dave. He's given you all the advice you need.

Although I don't see the problem with location tags; they can add a more militaristic feel. They work so long as youd escribe the setting in your story right.
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JCDentonCZ
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Location: The Netherlands

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2005 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Check out the Writing Styles Guide for a whole load of help for your series. I am not going to read it for now, I am not going to rate it, As I read from the others, I think I'll skip this one because I've also seen the others got this down.

However, I truely hope your next work will be a lot better. You cannot make a story in fifteen minutes! It takes time, brainstorming, and a whole lot of halo - playing as far as I see it. Then begin with writing. When you are "done", you let it be for four days or so. Then, reread it, and begin to make it better; Sentences, words, phrases, etc.

Then, let it be for another few days. Make it the very best you think you could ever do, after looking to great series here like Ghosts of Erebus (just search it in the Fanfiction Search... Wink ) and then let it be proofreaded by the regulars here, Like Dave Luck, MCC, Azrael, Chuckles, etc. Then, rework it with the help you get, And brainstorm again.

When you got things finally settled, Do another proofread yourself, Let it be proofreaded here, And when you finished that, enhance your story on it, and then let it be proofreaded by your parents (You'll be so proud you'd give a copy to everyone) and by friends. When done, I suggest one last clean sweep and when you are REALLY and ultimately sure, Then, ONLY THEN, submit it.

Good luck.

- JC
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Jester
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Joined: 26 May 2005
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Location: Greenville, South Carolina

PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm with JC on this. I've been gone for two weeks, and there is no way I'm going back to read every story I missed.
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OrdinaryKronos
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Location: Jacksonville,Florida.

PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2007 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you...I know, it is Sh1t, and thats why I ceased creating/continuing it. I made a newer, and in my oppinion 'better' fiction.
Thank you,
~OrdinaryKronos. Wink
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