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Winged Vengeance

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 12:43 pm    Post subject: Winged Vengeance Reply with quote

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Winged Vengeance
Posted by Conrad Lauf (conniesworld_aka_hell@hotmail.com)
29 August 2004, 5:25 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=conrad_lauf.0829040525591.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I didn't think that it was all too smooth, and it could have used an extra something... not sure what though. Anyway, enjoy my short comment. (my signature is longer than this one)
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System Failure
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Joined: 05 Aug 2004
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Location: Queens, NY

PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 2:33 am    Post subject: Hi Reply with quote

I do agree with MCC here, it needed little UMPH! \
Nice stry nothe less one question Question How Do U say your name Loaf or Loawf Confused
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I pretty much wrote this poem out of boredom if anything, and I agree it could have been better. Originally this was going to be a story, but I decided to write it in poem form. Oh, and my name is pronounced "Lowf". The "au" is pronounced like "OW! I hurt my foot"

Cheers guys and thanks for the comments Very Happy
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Conrad Lauf
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and thank you MCC for writing a short comment! Now my brain won't melt with the exhaustion of trying to finish reading it in one sitting! Very Happy Laughing
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 1:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like how it was structured. I also like the idea of Pelicans packing a real punch Very Happy

As I've said before, it isn't easy to write poetry about this subject without it sounding either campy or corny. For the most part, your poem avoided either of these, although it started to slip away from me when the killer Pelicans arrived. It seemed to wrap up a bit too neatly. War poetry usually does the opposite, as it tends to express the sorrow and horror of conflict. But hey, you come across as an optimist, so it fits Smile

Seems to me that you have some talent when it comes to poetry. Have you written much?

C.T. Clown
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Slit Throat
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Joined: 01 Aug 2004
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Location: Somewhere in the wild expanses of Southern California

PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The last two lines actually make sense, in a wierd, random sort of way.

A bit choppy, especially near the end, but it wasn't bad.
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Conrad Lauf
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you click on "More By This Author", it shows a complete list of all my Fan Fic. I THINK there's about three or four pieces of poetry in there. I like writing poetry, but its more of an experimental thing for me.

Cheers
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the whole attack Pelican thing would be a good idea for a fanfiction rather than a poem, i'm waiting for this story now.

ODST
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 10:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually, some of my early Fan Fic did feature Attack Pelicans in the stories, but they only appeared in small "cameo" performances. That is, they are usually the transport for my main characters. But in the near future I'll probably do some good fiction with aerial battles between Attack Pelicans, Banshees and Covie Drop Ships.

Cheers
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Slayer_boi
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Joined: 04 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heya very good. Can sum1 give me a topic for a poem i cant think of a good topic Very Happy
Kk. Conie i liked the poem but the last 2 lines fitted it, they werent random... Crying or Very sad
I'm so dissapointed... have i taught u nothing?!? Shocked
Oh.. wait.... i haven't Confused
Hmmm... i might alter my dragon poem to be about a pelican, or a banshee, or some other assorted flying vehicle Twisted Evil
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