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A Prophets conversation

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:48 pm    Post subject: A Prophets conversation Reply with quote

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A Prophets conversation
Posted by The Prophet of Hatred (urukbeserker@sbcglobal.net)
4 June 2005, 1:01 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=the_prophet_.0604050101371.html
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Zephyr
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Joined: 25 May 2005
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Location: im at ur moms house lol

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha! Pretty good, fits in with mine. don't bother reading it, it's junk. But in my story the Humans and Elites and Hunters and Grunts all get together and fight the Covenant.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do not think that you captured the voice of the prophets very well. First of all, there was not enough religious banter, such as the human's destruction being the will of God, or anything about the Great Journey. They just did not have that "prophet" feel. Also, I doubt that the term "cannon fodder" is one used by the Covenant Very Happy
Although you showed a lot of imagination, I did not get a clear sense of where this was going or what you had the prophets saying.

C.T. Clown
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Csp499
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Location: Aboard the Malta.Maybe I should push the button on this big spikey purple thing and see what happens

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent, but there was something a little wrong. First, as Chuckles said, You could have expressed the fact that they were prophets, (By using old vocabulary), but I can see why a Prophet would, in fact, use the word "Cannon Fodder."

Another thing- though it does'nt matter all too much, the Covenant probably do not have names like "Death" or "Hatred", they usually use pausitive ones. (Hatred and Death sound more like Union ship names, if you want my opinion.)
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dom1
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Chuckles. The Prophet-speak seemed all herky-jerky. It went from fitting, to off key, to just plain strange. Not in that order, though.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 2:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was actually quite good, some missplaced capitals and what not but none the less good. You spelt Sangheili wrong by the way.

-CDW
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