HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Prayer

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:47 pm    Post subject: Prayer Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Prayer
Posted by Cottrelli (nick_cottrelli@hotmail.com)
2 June 2005, 7:32 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=cottrelli.0602051932281.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 9:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad, but it pales when compared to your other poems. It veered towards the cheesy side of Halo poetry, and there was little depth to make up for the brevity.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Recent Flood Victim
Member


Joined: 11 Dec 2004
Posts: 51
Location: A place where Rednecks run wild, and liberals are prey

PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked it...yes a bit shallow on the Halo fan base. But still good in its entirity.

Your neighborhood friend,
RFV
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Zephyr
Member


Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 275
Location: im at ur moms house lol

PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 2:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good. Took me less than ten seconds to read, but still good.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address MSN Messenger
thedarkfire
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm gunna make this short due to time constraints.

Make it longer.

Good rhyming.

The last stanza didn't flow as well as the first two. Try to keep the same sylable choices.

Pretty good.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent.

Short, punchy, and sweet. I like the easygoing, loose style that this poem's been written in. The line's don't drag on and break up, which is a common problem that plagues poems with longer lines, which can 'slur' and become 'muddy.' Since the lines are shorter and more direct, that isn't a matter at all, leaving the lines uncluttered and clear.

Good, good.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group