HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Prayer
Posted by Cottrelli (nick_cottrelli@hotmail.com)
2 June 2005, 7:32 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=cottrelli.0602051932281.html

Chuckles · Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 9:21 am Post subject:

Not bad, but it pales when compared to your other poems. It veered towards the cheesy side of Halo poetry, and there was little depth to make up for the brevity.

C.T. Clown

Recent Flood Victim · Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:54 am Post subject:

I liked it...yes a bit shallow on the Halo fan base. But still good in its entirity.

Your neighborhood friend,
RFV

Zephyr · Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 2:32 am Post subject:

Good. Took me less than ten seconds to read, but still good.

thedarkfire · Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 8:18 pm Post subject:

I'm gunna make this short due to time constraints.

Make it longer.

Good rhyming.

The last stanza didn't flow as well as the first two. Try to keep the same sylable choices.

Pretty good.

SYSTEM · Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 1:17 am Post subject:

Excellent.

Short, punchy, and sweet. I like the easygoing, loose style that this poem's been written in. The line's don't drag on and break up, which is a common problem that plagues poems with longer lines, which can 'slur' and become 'muddy.' Since the lines are shorter and more direct, that isn't a matter at all, leaving the lines uncluttered and clear.

Good, good.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.