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Stories from Transcendent: Admiral's Arrival and Flight Plan
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 11:29 am    Post subject: Stories from Transcendent: Admiral's Arrival and Flight Plan Reply with quote

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Stories from Transcendent: Admiral's Arrival and Flight Plans
Posted by Mainevent
28 May 2005, 9:14 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mainevent.0528052114131.html
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Odin of SoS.
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

this story was extremely well written. havent seen too many first person perspectives here either. you never cease to amaze me with your literature. how old are you again?
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Odin of SoS.
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

500,000 Marines Shocked
thats like three times the size of the current Marine Corps.
not so much The Few any more huh Smile
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well 500,000 marines sounds just about right. Granted, so many more marines are bieng recruited now that the Covenant are on humanity's tail pipe.

I hope you read my fic, its directly below yours.
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the "Ramora", that sounds awfully close to my fic's ship.

The U.N.S.C Remora.

eh? eh?

~Shadow
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For my third and maybe more to come posts.

He's gonna open it isn't he?


~Shadow
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He'll probably open it, that in itself is just human nature.

And although this portion of the story doesn't take place during the Human-Covenant war, at the peak of the human expansion there were over 800 colony worlds; each likely to have at least a million colonists. With all of the armies of Earth combined there'd be easily 40-60 million military personnel, so with recruits from all across the galaxy it would be entirely feasible that 500,000 marines would be assigned to a ship this big.

Glad to see you liked it. More on the way.
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it was different

ODST
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2005 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm doing things a little bit different with this story. Each "episode" will have one story from the Admiral's point of view, and each one will have a standalone story that's hopefully interesting, yet not necessarily a part of the main plot (Admiral's). Although, all of the characters I use will eventually play a part in this climactic scene coming at the end.

I will release one detail that will let you guess about the character in one of the episodes: Save, three Spartans engaged on fields of battle too far away to be easily recalled.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2005 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That detail doesn't work in this case, Main. As much as I love Spartans, and as much as I love to see writers take advantage of plot loop-holes, this one does not work. It's all in the time-frame:

Those three Spartans were not able to be recalled just before the fall of Reach. Just a couple months before "present" Halo time. Further, we know all the Spartans were together pre-war, because of how they got their first set of armor. In fact, the Spartans' first contact with the Covenant came--besides the first sighting around the planet--right after they got their armor, as they are trying to take out that stuborn Covenant ship.

So, it does not make sense that the three whom are too far away to be recalled are too far away before they even had the chance to be that much distant. Keep your time table in mind when you use that kind of story inclusion. Great idea, but wrong time to do it. To pull off the three Spartan trick, you would have to set your story, I'd say, somewhere between the Sigma Octanus attack and the fall of Reach.

Just remember what the Spartans were doing pre-War: training, for the most part, and a couple--on the trip to the planet where they receive their first set of armor--missions to take out rebels. Not much more.


Anyway. About the actual story.

That ship seems that it could be big enough to have a normal UNSC frigate dock inside her. Or at least have a good portion of it inserted into the big one. Thirty kilometers is a long ways. I think the Unyeilding Hyrophant was just a few longer than that. Huge. And it would not be a skinny ship, most likely, instead wide to compensate. Keep in mind, however, that this would have to have more than one set--the rear set--of engines. I would say this one would have engine pods--with the smaller ones we see between the larger ion drives on the back of UNSC ships--every few klicks to keep things semi-maneuverable and steady. Just a detail to consider.

Pretty good descriptions, except that I could not picture the actual ship. Vaguely, maybe, but not more than an obscure blur. The interior was a bit clearer, but still lack of exuisite details. But that is what I often see "wrong" with First Person.


Overall, this was good. A little rough/unrefined, like; but still pretty darned good. Keep workin' hard on this--it could be another good one.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2005 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First off, I liked the story. It's kinda funny how you got your inspiration for this story from another story in which someone was reprimanded for making a ship that big. lol. I like the two seperate stories. Oh and MC the ship was 314k long.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2005 2:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay. I must have missed that. Thirty is pretty big, but more than that... and especially more than one-hundred... I don't know about that. There are limits to how big such a ship could be. Thirty I can accept. Three-hundred-plus I just cannot.

That is more than 180 miles. In an excellent car, that would take over an hour to cross. There are states that are shorter or little longer than that. I can see a ship being as large as a huge city. I can't see a ship being as long/wide as a whole state. Sure, I can imagine it. But such a ship does not work in my mind.

Maybe I'm thinking with limits, but if most human ships are not more than--I think--about three-k, why would one be three-hundred times that?

Doesn't make sense. At least to me.
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Jester
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2005 2:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's the great thing about writing in the Sci-Fi genre, almost anything is possible.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2005 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Untrue. While this is the future, limitations are still known. Constructing a large ship--like one thirty klicks long--is an engineering marvel; but possible. Something three hundred long... Not possible. A space station perhaps, but not a vessel actually meant to move about.

This may be a Science Fiction genre, but there are still realism issues to keep in mind. Great it may be, but there are boundries.
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PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2005 3:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not talking specifically about the Halo universe. In another non-Halo universe an alien race might just invade another universe with one 300k long ship. For Humans, I agree this size a ship is probably not possible, but the is fiction.
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