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Halo 3: The Beginning
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2005 3:24 pm    Post subject: Halo 3: The Beginning Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Halo 3: The Beginning
Posted by Zack Wilder (zackwilder118@aol.com)
26 May 2005, 5:13 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=zack_wilder.0526050513121.html
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mr chief 17
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PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2005 5:26 pm    Post subject: Halo 3 Reply with quote

This is pretty good. There's a few grammar issues that are kinda confusing at the beginning, with short sentences, etc., but other than that, it's really strong. I would like to know why Arbiter killed Guilty Spark, when he needs to know where the Ark is. Also, just a note: If you use the Gravemind again, he always speaks in rhyme, or at least, very poetic. This could cause some headaches trying to express what he's saying, but it really takes me out of the character when he talks like anyone else. Good work. You're pretty new at this, as am I. I think you'll get really good at this. Read some of my stuff, we share a similar writing style.
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Zack Wilder
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PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2005 11:56 pm    Post subject: Let me tell u sumthing Reply with quote

This part really did not come out how i wanted it. Im not going to reveal why Arbiter destroyed Guilty Spark, it will play a role later. Anyway, i kinda slapped this together in less than 10 minutes. it's horrible, but i can guarantee that the next part will be much better. I might even put in a replacement for this part. Also, Gravemind only appears in this part. (I think). Also, can anyone think of a name for a level when Arbiter goes and kills Gravemind? I really need it cuz i don't want to name another level as Gravemind, since halo 2 already has one named Gravemind.

O by the way, instead of doing part one and part two, im going to put the actual level im writing about. Like the next level is going to be titled Cortana. so ill put Halo 3: Mission 1: Cortana. It has the same effect as part 1 and part 2 right???
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Michael Archer
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 2:39 am    Post subject: story Reply with quote

The story was kind of short. But otherwise it was good.

I'm thinking now. Arbiter can cut Guilty Spark in half with one swish of a sword? Wow. Guilty Spark survied the Halo explosion. I wouldn't want him to snap the MC in half like a toothpick.
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Zack Wilder
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i know its short, but its only the opening cinematic sequence. Like the Heretic. The next part will hopefully be as long as a standard mission.

is High Charity on Delta Halo?

Ummmmm, yeah, Arbiter destroyed Spark with one slash. U think of a better way to destroy Spark before Tartarus tries to stop Arbiter.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 4:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

High Charity is a floating, alien made city the Covenant created. It is not on Halo.

And perhaps an EMP blast or large ball of primachord would be better ways to kill the little bugger.
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Zack Wilder
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mainevent wrote:
And perhaps an EMP blast or large ball of primachord would be better ways to kill the little bugger.


Arbiter doesn't have those with him. How is he going to use 'em.

If High Charity ain't on Halo, its on the Covenant homeworld?
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 4:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a floating city. In space. It's not ON anything, it is something.

Play Delta Halo/Regret and look up at the end of the mission. The big floating purple thing is High Charity.

And perhaps you could have Arbie reverse charge his shields or something for a quick EMP burst, but one that leaves him helpless for a few seconds. There are plenty of ways to improvise without just going for the easy kill.
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Zack Wilder
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 4:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OHHHHHHHHHH. In my terms that counts as on Delta Halo.

And wouldn't the EMP burst kill everyone else in the room as well? Everyone plays a role later
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 5:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Electromagnetic bursts only effect computer and electronic signals, they wouldn't effect any living creatures (unless said creature had some sort of heart monitor).
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Zack Wilder
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 5:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh right i knew that.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 5:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's why were here, to help.

You've got questions, I'll do my best to answer them.
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Zack Wilder
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 5:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

did u see the question i posted up earlier? I asked if anyone could think of a good name for a level where Arbiter goes and kills Gravemind. Can u help on that one?
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are absolutely no level's in Halo 2 where the Arbiter goes and kill's gravemind.

Unless you want one made up, then that's another story.

Granted; MC-117, the Arbiter and Gravemind are now allies. I doubt they'd want to kill each other since the stake of the entire galaxy is at hand.

~Shadow
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, first things first.

It's not smart to write a story like it's a game. No offence to you - in fact, you show some promise - but stories are not games. The individual stories in your series are not levels of a game. They do not focus around fighting. It is better to give your series an origional name as well - there are about 30 or so series named Halo3 around here.

And, uh... Why would the Arbiter kill 343? I mean, I know that Spark is annoying, but we do need him. If you don't want to let everyone know, then you can just PM it to me. But I would like to know why.

Otherwise, it wasn't horrible... But then again, it wasn't great. Keep working and you'll get better, though.

Later.

- AHFN
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