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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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SeverianofUrth
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Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 483
Location: Dumb posts & crap stories
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 Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:34 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah!
| Quote: | | "He wanted you to know," Chuckles said as he grabbed his shotgun and chambered a round, "how sorry he was that he couldn't do this personally." Leveling the barrel at Palatov's head the Spartan pulled the trigger and splattered his surprised expression all over the room. |
There was something so satisfying about that. I don't know Palatov, and he probably wasn't a evil bastard, but the whole scene was so filled with a vicious glee-- damn, I like that: vicious glee... might find a use for it somewhere-- that I found myself chuckling when I read that. It reminded me of the scene in Erebus where Chuckles thrashes the hell out Thanatos.
And the plot thickens... (and in this case, probably will sicken as will) I have a feeling that themes from Father's Eyes will play out here.
Looking very, very eagerly forward for the next. |
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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Great as always
ODST |
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CoLd BlooDed
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Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 706
Location: Noit acol.
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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I enjoyed the method you connected the title to the dialogue in the story. It made me look at the entire chapter in retrospective and think: Wow...
Sometimes, just for fun, I read the dialogue aloud. This way, I can tell in my own way if it was realistic--well, for the most part. Oh, and don't fret, this chapter certainly housed some damning dialogue; damning in a good way!
Ah... the great Chuckles atmosphere. Your writing is alike to the way you portrayed Simjanes. You kill off characters with ease just to get to your goal, which, in this case, is getting your point across to the readers! Heh, hope you liked that one. 
Great job; is MiNeS David from Father's Eyes? Because I thought I saw some connection there...
Awesome, awesome, awesome. |
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(Na)Marl
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Joined: 03 Nov 2004
Posts: 689
Location: --Looking for you! I have a knife!
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Quote:
"He wanted you to know," Chuckles said as he grabbed his shotgun and chambered a round, "how sorry he was that he couldn't do this personally." Leveling the barrel at Palatov's head the Spartan pulled the trigger and splattered his surprised expression all over the room.
There was something so satisfying about that. |
--I had the same exact feeling, man. Only there was laughing involved. Not hard HAHAHAHA! laughing, but a smile and some Heh. Heh. every half second.
--Good as always Chuckles. Can't wait for the next one, though we'll probably have to wait two or three months.  |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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(Na)Marl wrote:
| Quote: | | Good as always Chuckles. Can't wait for the next one, though we'll probably have to wait two or three months |
No, there won't be anymore long waits. I made the mistake of posting that prologue while I was doing a lot of other stuff too. I should have waited until I had time to continue. The updates will be a lot quicker now.
CoLd wrote:
| Quote: | | Great job; is MiNeS David from Father's Eyes? Because I thought I saw some connection there... |
Glad you caught that. Although there is a lot of similarity in the themes of this series and Father's Eyes there is no actual connection. But, yeah, the themes are much the same.
C.T. Clown |
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(Na)Marl
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Joined: 03 Nov 2004
Posts: 689
Location: --Looking for you! I have a knife!
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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--Hmm . . . Thinking back on it, I have another thing to say. I never know the time periods of your stories, and I think I could get more 'in the mood' with your stories if you could set the time at atleast the beginning of your stories.
--I'm one of those freaks who's always checking the time. Does this happen before SATU or after, before Erebus or after? I'll kill someone if you don't tell me! Either way, I win. |
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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I could point out some of the smaller items I noticed, but I do not feel that necessary. A good plot already. Though it does not appear to contain any strange creatures, I'm sure it will be good just the same.
That start of the mission left a lot of opportunity. Especially if Ackerson decides to send out Sim anyway. And I wonder what this Sam is capable of... Regardless, your cast of characters has a new touch to it, which I am sure will prove interesting to the last.
Keep up the great work.
_________________
-MCC |
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Wiley K.
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Joined: 24 Dec 2004
Posts: 254
Location: Neutralizing the guards to 1000+ post land. They don't seem too competent.
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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Dennis Farina...Do I detect a Law and Order fan?
Great. Just...awesome. The plot is already thick.
Will my guy be in this?
9/10 |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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Wiley the Assassin wrote:
| Quote: | | Will my guy be in this? |
I certainly wouldn't rule it out 
C.T. Clown |
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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That whole first segment reminded me a lot of that movie Forgotten (or something like that). Grabbed my attention really well, excellent opener.
| Quote: | | Major Samuel Cousins Jr. sat a few feet to his left... |
Had to chuckle at that. Nice.
Overall, very good. Some GPS mistakes in there, but nothing big at all. Nice incorperations of some of the members around here, and great plot developement. This is coming along very nicely.
-Russ |
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Caleb the Jackal
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Joined: 11 Jan 2005
Posts: 369
Location: Are you crazy!?
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| Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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Holy COW! That was awsome. Already started to see some of the classic Chuckles Irony...
Can't wait to see how those Caleb and Sam characters turn out.
I know I can look forward to some great plot twists and more cruel ironies. Can;t wait.
Caleb |
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dom1
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Joined: 23 Apr 2005
Posts: 97
Location: Merrily chasing my pet grunty Cuckoo in 100+ post land!! I made it!
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| Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 4:18 am Post subject: |
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Niiiiiiiiiiiiice, as always. Good style, mixed with ironies, ends in a great manner.
Have you ever noticed, that Ackerson is the character that always gets used in a good-but-usually-bad manner? I mean, he's our little dog, that we beat, for laughs. Eventually he will (if not yet) just plain get blown up, or outright killed. YAY!!
I think I've said too much. GOOD JOB CHUCKLES!! |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 6:10 am Post subject: |
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Thanks guys. It is always good to have something hit the reader the way that you intended, so I appreciate that some of you pointed out that certain statement by Chuckles to Palatov. As always, thanks for taking the time not only to read but also to post. Hearing the comments of other writers means a lot.
C.T. Clown |
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JCDentonCZ
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Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 381
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Chuckles wrote: | Thanks guys. It is always good to have something hit the reader the way that you intended, so I appreciate that some of you pointed out that certain statement by Chuckles to Palatov. As always, thanks for taking the time not only to read but also to post. Hearing the comments of other writers means a lot.
C.T. Clown |
As a Christian, I caught myself making too soft characters. You won't see any cursing in my series, although it could change, But I don't want to make the Angry, cursing, Sargeant or something. And although I could write a bit dark, Not as dark as you did, Chuckles. I need to learn to write like that, I guess. Keep up the good work, CT.
- JC
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