HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Seven Days: Part Four of Seven
Posted by SeverianofUrth (severn117@hotmail.com)
20 May 2005, 1:48 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=severianofur.0520051348365.html

Chuckles · Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:47 pm Post subject:

That was freaking awesome! Your best work, in my opinion, and some of the best stuff I've read on here. Man, how in the heck are you pulling off a tropical-Halo-noir-fic narrated by a dead man? This was very impressive. Moody, atmospheric, eerie, rich--just freaking impressive. Can't wait for the next one.

C.T. Clown

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:51 pm Post subject:

Thanks, man. Very Happy

Sorry about the overuse of the smileys, but when I read your comment... on, man, I wish that you could see the big, giant smile on my face.

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:56 pm Post subject:

Oh, and by the way:

russ687 · Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 5:58 pm Post subject:

Some repetition in there, most notably you using Jojola too many times in a relatively close proximity of each other. Careful with the names, and try and find other ways or restructure your sentence/paragraphs to avoid the need to say the name again.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 7:39 pm Post subject:

Yup, I'll have to go with Chuckles on this one.

Great, great, great job. The dialogue and unique description is what did it for me. I loved the way you depicted the atmosphere of the bar and the way you depicted the atmosphere of the tiny waterside town, it was just so... lifelike.

Some of your best work, to be sure. Keep it up, my fine-feathered friend.

Wait... scratch that.

Say, when's the next chapter of Invasion of the NOOBs coming? Very Happy

I was looking forward to my name again.

thedarkfire · Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 8:41 pm Post subject:

Good to see you got back on this story. I'll read this later tonight-tomarrow.

I can't wait to read it either.

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 1:50 pm Post subject:

Thanks, Russ. Got to watch out for that Jojola. Embarassed

'

Invasion of the NOOBS was cancelled after it was erased two times in a row and I was left with a shitty rought draft that was roughly one-third the size of the final copy, CoLd. I just didn't have the heart to write it up again for the third time.

And I hope you're reading it soon, dark. Or else... Twisted Evil

JCDentonCZ · Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 8:32 pm Post subject:

thedarkfire · Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 9:56 pm Post subject:

Your dialouge is impecible.

Your descriptions are perfect.

You set the mood with the care of a surgeon.

Wonderful.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 1:35 am Post subject:

C-C-Cancelled? What?

Noooo!!

Caleb the Jackal · Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 1:01 pm Post subject:

Knocked my socks off as usual. This is a totaly bizarre concept and I have to give you a pat on the back for being brave enough to use it.

Good one.

Caleb

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 2:11 pm Post subject:

Thanks, JC (I hope you read it, by the way.)

Thanks, Dark. Congratulations on your recent acceptance to a college that I can't seem the recall the name of, by the way Smile

Thanks, Caleb. Hope you enjoyed it.

JCDentonCZ

Guardian · Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 11:24 pm Post subject:

Extremely well written