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War Comes To Earth: Chapter 2- Through The City

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:26 pm    Post subject: War Comes To Earth: Chapter 2- Through The City Reply with quote

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War Comes To Earth: Chapter 2- Through The City
Posted by Firestorm
17 May 2005, 3:10 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=firestorm.0517050310543.html
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh

PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2005 2:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Surprised no one commented on this, its pretty good. lots of emotion, but seemed kinda rushed. You have to go into more detail about your main characters pass, make them a real person. Like the cop, i didn't know he was a cop until the end of the story. you need to work that out. Thats were describing your characters comes in. tell us wat he is wearing things like that to make him more real. but pretty good.

ODST
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.

PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2005 7:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh yeah I really enjoyed this. Could have been longer, that's often a weak point in stories, but I don't care because I thought this was good.

Character description like what Helljumper said, and hmmm. Not really much I can think of.

-Congrats,
-MasterSushi
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