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The Priestess and the Warrior - The Heretic and the Revoluti
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 1:14 pm    Post subject: The Priestess and the Warrior - The Heretic and the Revoluti Reply with quote

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The Priestess and the Warrior - The Heretic and the Revolutionary
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
13 May 2005, 11:28 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.05130511281714.html
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sh4rk
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great. I've loved the series from the start. Kinda sad its ended but hey.
Hope you write another. Very Happy
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LordsFire
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've really like all your writing, it is extremely engaging. The only thing I would note, is that it reads as a plot that developes as it goes.

I'm pretty nearly doing the same thing myself in my fanfiction, so I don't think there's anything thats wrong with it, I think it's great for practicing your writing skills, and just generally having fun writing.

However, from what I have learned, in order to publish a fiction work (speaking from words others have given me, and observations of my own, unpublished writing), the best thing to do is to write the story till the end, and then begin the hard part.

Not simply editing, but considering the whole of your story, listing the major points of each segment, chapter, and section, where the characters begin and end, what places they pass through, everything.

Then, go back to the begginning, and rewrite the whole thing, keeping your notes of what is in the rest of the story on hand, and making it entirely consistent to itself.

Fanfiction really isn't worth the amount of effort that would take, but to anyone (like myself), who hopes to get a novel published someday, I think that process needs to be kept in mind.

I'm working in a fantasy fiction world of my own build, making it particularly important to me, as for example, I'm going to have to build my own language. However, the point holds for any fiction story, if you rework it from the beginning for consistency, it will save you trouble later, from griefers like me who want totally consistent plots and worlds. I'm something of a perfectionist for my own literature.

/rant.
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HELSING
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Joined: 21 Jan 2005
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One problem, sonic screwdriver? That was kinda weird, just a little fake sounding is all.

Other than that great job.
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JCDentonCZ
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 10:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very, Very good. I wondered about the referrance of Sargeant Johnson, and sometimes I couldn't picture where we were, In a ship, outside, below the ship, next to it, etc. Well, That could be me, don't take that as critisizm.

Great job with it. Keep up the great work,

This was one of the very few FF's I could see in the text it was worth my time to read. Not all names for stories have those, while they could be great.

Wink

- JC.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It felt short for one of your chapters, but still enjoyable.

You know, what I like about this work is that you take a society with just see glimpses of, and expand it to the fullest. Creating innovative elements that other writers take up and use. Then you take characters we but see, and put us in their skin. The connection to the story we know is an added bonus, and one that makes the experience all the more authentic.

I would, however, agree that the "sonic screwdriver" did not stike me as really original. Screwdriver is a term and a tool that I would more associate with humans than Covenant. I mean, Covies would need screws to have a screwdriver, and from their technological level, I doubt the Covenant technologies include screws.

Seemed to move by rather quickly, but perhaps that could not have been helped. I thought lingering in some places would have been just fine, and perhaps helpful, but the story did not really suffer from it.

Sad to see this series end, but also wanting to see your other series finished, and perhaps yet another begun. We will wait.
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Landlord
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 3:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i liked the story but as in every story there are always things you could do to improve it.

o and i can't remember but the tag to indent is [indent] right? and italic is and....?
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Landlord
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 3:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

srry...i mean
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Landlord
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 3:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

crap i guess what im doing is the tag for italic...sorry
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Bronzemage
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. Jilly, you've done awesome work with this series, and it's come out perfectly. From the first chapter to the last, it's been engaging, interesting and thoughtful.

Well done.

My only complaint about this last chapter is that it moved by in giant blobs of time, leading to lots of confusion and dismay as to where in the story we are. We went from Fulsamee joining the Ascendant Justice in the chapter before, to the Heretic, Halo, High Charity and back again all in the matter of a few paragraphs. It just all went by too quickly...

Some small proofreading errors (like capitalisation of Grunt) which could have been avoided, but overall a great work.

Again, fantastic series and stories, I hope your next work(s) are as good, if not better.

L0ng l1v3 73h j1llyz!
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 2:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Sonic Screwdriver' is an egg Smile Google it Wink

Yes this chapter's very blobby and I'm not entirely happy with it. But I'd taken such a long break (damn exams) that I felt that if I didn't do it now I'd completely forget who my characters were.

But timeline wise, it all moved in a number of days. The story of Halo 2 takes place over two days, I think. The rest of the chapters jumped around in years. But yes, the transitions in this one are crap.

And Lordsfire, I never, ever plan out a fanfic. Ever. My novels are entirely different and Orbit (a publisher who nearly picked me up) praised me for having a very character driven novel. You can't compare this, which I do for fun, with the writing that will hopefully one day keep bread on the table Smile

Glad you liked it Smile
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mooching sack of death
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 2:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Crying or Very sad hey that last line was a really good end it sounds like something my middle school councilor would have said (even though he hated our asses and wanted us all to die horrible untimely deaths). that was really good though, i'm just so sad that the series is over, i would always look foreward to comming home and seeing if you had posted another story...hope you write another one! Very Happy

yeah that screwdriver thing kind of caught me by surprise too, i'm not really sure why though. someone earlier said the covies didn't use screws on their technology, but how do they keep things together? fusing, nails, super glue.....
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mooching sack of death
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 2:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

...cement...some sort of paste....
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JCDentonCZ
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mooching sack of death wrote:
...cement...some sort of paste....


Doubt they use cement in Space Vessels. I think they put it together by fusion, plasma, something like that. Not sure about it, though. I'm not it's Engineer.

- JC
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LordsFire
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You'll notice I did say that I didn't think that fanfic was worth that whole process. I figured you'd kind of know all that already, I was more posting it for everyone elses benefit, and I figured a commentary on your story was the most likely place everyone would read, so...

And I owe you some of the covenant cultural ideas I've been/am going to be using, thanks.

If I knew you a little, I'd probably ask you if you'd like to write something with me.
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