HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Guerilla: Who needs enemies...
Posted by Mainevent
5 May 2005, 12:15 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mainevent.0505050015139.html

Mainevent · Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 8:43 pm Post subject:

ECHO...ECHo....ECho....Echo...echo....

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Hey, stop yelling in here. You could hurt a guy's ears that way.

Pretty dang good. An interesting continuation. Added in some other elements, and a few twists. I noted a few smaller mistakes here and there, but nothing that really affected the story. Except maybe the last paragraph--the last two sentenses didn't seem to make sense in context.

Overall, you did good. Keep up the great work.
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-MCC

Red Ghost · Member Joined: 23 Aug 2004 Posts: 17

Wow, when I was reading that I got so freakin' mad at those damn marines! That was not cool! I felt so sorry for that Elite. Well, awesome job, but I feel so depressed now...

russ687 · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 4:27 am Post subject:

Finally got to finish the last quarter.

Damn good job on the Covenant PoV. You're one of the best at that. You capture their style, details and dialogue like no other. Descriptions are great, and it actually flowed very nicely (in fact, this is an excellent flowing piece).

I noticed the double [hr]'s in there, and I don't think that was intentional. Just careful looking it over. Overall, outstanding job.

-Russ

Chuckles · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 5:51 am Post subject:

Excellent. Well written from beginning to end. Realistic dialogue, good action and some decent plot twists. I only have one complaint, and it is a small one. Look at this:

HoZ · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 10:17 am Post subject:

good job man

Mainevent · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:14 am Post subject:

But! Brotherhood is not a hierarch. He is a mere Prophet.

Only Truth, Mercy, and Regret are hierarchs. So plantint evidence against Brotherhood doesn't make the hierarchs look bad.

Hope I cleared that up.

It's kinda like the popes in the past. They were infallible, but the clergy weren't.

Chuckles · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:19 am Post subject:

I seeeee

[The Clown sees his batting average drop even more.] Well, that clears that up. At least I didn't accuse you of having a Wookie in your fic.

C.T. Clown

Azrael · Member Joined: 10 Aug 2004 Posts: 504 Location: Boston

Yeah, tighten up them screws and quit "clowning" around...get it? Get it?

...tough crowd...

Anyway, your heirarch scene was excllent. The political emphasis, as well as the Prophet's speech, was dead on and flowed well.

The conspiracy between the Marines was very "Training Day." I liked it, though I found the dialouge hard to follow for some reason. I can't remember if I was distracted or not, but now that I think about it, the confusion could have been a perfect subconscious tool to make us think like the Marine hidden in the vents.

...Or maybe I'm overthinking it.
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...now that's some gritty shizzle.

HELSING · Member Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 151

For some reason I can't see a Elite tryinhg to help a human wounded soldier, also why was that guy in the brig in the first place?

The Hierarch story was good, they were very good "set up" scenes.

That makes me mad that any Marine would have pleasure in killing one of his brothers, even if the guy picked on him. I don't know, it just seemed a little less realistic.

I'm one of your biggest fans, but I think this may have been one of your lesser works.

Mainevent · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:21 pm Post subject:

The Elite helped the Human because at the time they were somewhat allied. As far as he knew, his mission was to come to Earth with John and inspect the ruins. But, unfortunately for him, they split the two up when they arrived, and during the attack the ELite was put into the cell.

The guy next to him? Dunno why he was there. Probably did something naughty.

As for Paretti...he comes back later. You'll notice that he's EXTREMELY tempermental; evidenced by the fact that he killed someone whose only transgression was getting the man KP duty.

thedarkfire · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:52 pm Post subject:

Nice.

I would comment more but I just can't.

Odin of SoS. · Member Joined: 27 Nov 2004 Posts: 85 Location: Iraq

i thought it was a great story. sadly some ppl in the Corps nowadays are like that. dunno if theyd go as far as shooting someone. but heck, who knows. cant wait for the next one bro.

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:18 pm Post subject:

Odin, what division do you serve with?
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