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hboff
Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4351
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Echo630
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Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 8
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 Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Half Lemmig?!? I know him. from first contact! |
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DarkMage
Member
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 3
Location: Earth
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| Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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I have based the story around the members of the first contact clan. I am a member of that clan also. By the way Echo630, thanks for reading my fan-ficion  |
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Echo630
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Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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| yup yup |
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.
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| Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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Well, it got slightly confusing at times, but I was ablt to stay with you. You need to impliment the code, for dure, it was hard to read without indentation because you didn't space the paragraphs. Detail too, you need to add detail. You had some good bits in there, where you described-to an extent-what was happening and the environment, but I couldn't get a clear picture to base the story in my mind around. You need to work on that. Other than those thing, just keep an eye out for selling and grammar mistakes. and you should improve.
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-MCC |
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SYSTEM
The Hammer
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie
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| Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 1:56 am Post subject: |
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Hey, hey hey...
It's either my monitor causing problems again, but it looks like this story needs some coding and formatting.
if I crank down the monitor, I can see it. But I'd like to see some coding, it makes everyone's life easier.
- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.
"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations. |
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DarkMage
Member
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 3
Location: Earth
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| Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 9:52 am Post subject: Sorry |
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Im sorry for the things that i have done wrong, this is my first time posting fan-fiction, so i can ony blame myself for being a bit too exited.
Um...whats this coding and stuff? is it the things that you put into the story to create paragraphs or something? |
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