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Warriors Of Zanzibar - Chapter 2

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 3:10 am    Post subject: Warriors Of Zanzibar - Chapter 2 Reply with quote

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Warriors Of Zanzibar - Chapter 2
Posted by DarkMage (ResidentEvilSurvivor@hotmail.com)
22 August 2004, 2:44 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=darkmage.0822041444511.html
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Echo630
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Joined: 23 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Half Lemmig?!? I know him. from first contact!
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DarkMage
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 7:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have based the story around the members of the first contact clan. I am a member of that clan also. By the way Echo630, thanks for reading my fan-ficion Smile
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Echo630
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yup yup
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 9:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it got slightly confusing at times, but I was ablt to stay with you. You need to impliment the code, for dure, it was hard to read without indentation because you didn't space the paragraphs. Detail too, you need to add detail. You had some good bits in there, where you described-to an extent-what was happening and the environment, but I couldn't get a clear picture to base the story in my mind around. You need to work on that. Other than those thing, just keep an eye out for selling and grammar mistakes. and you should improve.
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, hey hey...

It's either my monitor causing problems again, but it looks like this story needs some coding and formatting.

if I crank down the monitor, I can see it. But I'd like to see some coding, it makes everyone's life easier.

- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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DarkMage
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 9:52 am    Post subject: Sorry Reply with quote

Im sorry for the things that i have done wrong, this is my first time posting fan-fiction, so i can ony blame myself for being a bit too exited.

Um...whats this coding and stuff? is it the things that you put into the story to create paragraphs or something?
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