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The Priestess and the Warrior - A Really Big Ring . . .
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 4:20 pm    Post subject: The Priestess and the Warrior - A Really Big Ring . . . Reply with quote

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The Priestess and the Warrior - A Really Big Ring . . .
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
20 April 2005, 6:50 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.04200518500813.html
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay! You're back Jilly! Hurrah! Reading story now....
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote=Jillybean] "One of these days . . ." the Sangheili muttered as he left his old friends, "I'll make him wish he'd thought about his personal guard more carefully."[/quote]

Hehe... I love it. Great story, as usual.
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh no! I forgot the quotation marks... can someone like Wado fix that? Sorry for the triple post
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The Arbitress
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sob!

poor arby!
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah... in a few hours at least. He's not Abiter yet. But soon he will be. So, Jillybean, I guess this is the end of this series? and now it ties into Parcel 'o Rogues? Ah well. We all enjoyed it.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's another one - maybe two chapters to go.
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Aoxuan
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:11 pm    Post subject: This One Reply with quote

Great that you're back. I've waited so long.

Very nice story. Too bad about Orna'. You made all the Bungie-details make sense. That's excellent. Keep on writing!
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice. I did find a couple grammar isues that didn't sound right in my head when I read it.

Could just be a Scottish thing.

I still think the Tand R isn't the ship that was overrun in that level...
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Bronzemage
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 12:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great story... now I know what you were doing in those weeks you weren't on Wink

Again a few small grammar issues (like puttinng a full stop instead of qiestion mark at the end of the sentence), but overall, it was one kf thr best in the series. I'm looking forward to what happens next chapter.

You know, you could write another Covie POV one.... It's your best style, I hink, because it explores something we know so little about.

Again, awesome story, keep up the good work.
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Archangel_7
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 5:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, that's a great way to return! Good job, I enjoyed it.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do not believe the ship that was run over was the T&R. Not the one that MC gets sent to with Keyes in it. The T&R gets taken over, at the end, by human forces. That part of the plot is in H:tF. Kind of small detail, but of the type that is good to get right.

I saw some small errors in there, and felt it moved by rather quickly. But these are things I usually have to say.

Overall, this was good. Nice to see how all this fits together. Keep it up.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A thought on question marks and period.

When you have a lot of dialogue, you often find that your characters may be 'stating' a question. The first example that springs to ming is
"You came here in that!" from Star Wars, Leia to Han. It's grammatically incorrect (and a heinous crime for publishers) to use both an exclamation and a question mark.

So I tend to put a period when a question is stated.

It may not be right - but there's a reason for it Smile
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It can actually be used like that correctly. Now, in that Star Wars example, I would probably do something like " 'You came here in that?' exclaimed Leia."

As for stating a question - that is fine. Gives it more of an impact, making it rhetorical like that.

The difference that it makes can be exploited quite nicely in writing.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes but it gets a bit repetitive saying "exclaimed Leia," "stated Han," "questioned Luke" Readers skip over words like 'asked' or 'said' but not 'exclaimed' and 'stated'.

So - as a rule
"You came here in that?" exclaimed Leia
is preferred

But I like
"You came here in that!" asked Leia
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