HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Warrior's Fate, Part 5: Back-up Plan
Posted by maxx
19 April 2005, 11:19 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=maxx.04190523191125.html

[maxx]

hello all,

just wanted to take a moment to thank y'all for the constructive feedback and the encouragement thus far. reading over some of the other stuff posted here, i can tell that there are plenty better writers than me around here. i've taken all the advice to heart. yeah, i'm probably not as descriptive as i'd like to be. i'm still trying to get better at painting a picture in my head and then writing out what i see. sometimes i just can't find the words, but i'm trying. i also hope my use of many different characters doesn't get too annoying or distracting. unfortunately, i don't think i can complete the story arc i have in mind without all these different characters and perspectives. i haven't really done much creative writing in the past, so i'll be proud of myself if i simply finish this thing the way i want to. needless to say, it'll probably still be flawed at the end, but hopefully i can make it interesting enough to keep people's attention and get across the elements that i had in mind. thanks again!

[Shaolin Fist]

hey dude this is a pretty decent story. if there's one thing i'd point out, it's your Covenant PoV. i know it doesn't apply to chapter 5, but since it's the last one, i'm going to comment here.

Anyways in Covenant PoV, i don't think they refer to themselves as "Elites" or "Jackals" or "Grunts". those are human designations. if you have Halo 2 the game, you should have the official Covenant names.

Elite - Sangheili

Grunt - Unggoy

Jackal - Kig-Yar

Hunter - Lekgolo

Brute - Jiralhanae

Drone - Yanme'e

keep it up though! looking foward to the next chapters.

[maxx]

hey thanks for the tip! only problem is... now I'm not sure whether it'd be better to adopt those terms in future Covenant POV sections, or to keep using the generic terms for the sake of continuity. opinions?

[russ687]

Another good chapter.

The flow was pretty good, not many GPS errors. Overall, you're progressing quite well. (And my comment on Chapter four does partly apply here.)

As for the Covenant PoV with the new terms, hell, I can't remember all those stupid names anyways, and since it is in the best interest of keeping your facts continuous and constant, just use the good old names. Unless I'm mistaken, Bungie didn't post all these special names for the Covenant during Halo:CE, so to just use the names we all know now isn't wrong. Some authors like to do that, and that's all good, but here just keep it the same way.

-Russ

[Azrael]

I haven't read this series up to this point and I regret it. This was a very good chapter. And among all things, it contained...be still, beating heart...banter!! God, I love banter. Your dialouge was excellent. Reminded me of...me. So for that, I like it.

Don't hesistate to jump into your characters' minds for a prolonged period of time. You, being the author, are fully allowed to muck around with the passage of time. You can dedicate a paragraph or four to one character's mindset, and that could take up a grand total of two seconds of actual storyline time. Just have someone say something to "Snap them out of their thoughts," and have he/she/it realize that wow...only two seconds had actually gone by. We are in your hands, you can lead us wherever you want, just do it well.

I would have like a little further exposition into what the jungle looked at, but if we're in the middle of the story, I probably missed out.

Just a quick thing, since you'll probably have more people like me smacking their foreheads in anguish in missing this series...PLEASE give us ranks and full names every time you first introduce a character every chapter. Trust me, this will not affect the flow if someone reads your series front to back, and if you don't you'll leave first timers like me behind since I don't know jack about who's in charge and what their full names are. This allows you to use first and second names freely, as well as ranks...so you avoid repetition, while at the SAME TIME keeping first time readers into the story.

With that, I give you a high-five for a very good chapter and move on. Well done.
_________________
...now that's some gritty shizzle.

[maxx]

thanks for the feedback guys I'll proceed with your suggestions in mind. And I'll take some extra time and effort to tweak the descriptions next time. thanks again.