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Yu'cor's Final Battle.

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 3:08 am    Post subject: Yu'cor's Final Battle. Reply with quote

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Yu'cor's Final Battle.
Posted by Paul M (paulmacedo@rogers.com)
20 August 2004, 6:33 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=paul_m.0820041833201.html
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 11:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you need to learn and use the code. Second, u need to proof read and you made the Covenant talk and sound too human. i suggest reading the books to correct this and to better your Halo knowledge, thats if u haven't read them already or read them again

ODST
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good story, but try to put a blank line between each paragraph. That way your story is easier on the eye. And try to use the code.

Keep it up Smile
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 11:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I see you were trying to give a sense of sympothy for the Covies, or something like that. But you ended up making them sound way to Human, like Hell said. Coveant speak and act in a distict fashion, and it makes a story better when you give them their propper attitudes. Like Hell aready advised, read the three Halo books. If you have already, you need to read them again, and again, and again...
As for the writing structure, well, it needs work. You need to work on spelling and grammar, as well a paragraph spacing. A big block paragraph is not appealing at all, and it is very hard to read. maske sure you separate your paragraphs into distinct bodies of text. And yes, you need to use the code (thankfully for you, you can find out about the code in the first link in my signature).

Overall, you still have a lot of work to do in you writing. Follow our adivise, proofread, get a friend to proofread, read some writing guids, just practice and go at it. But always do your best.
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