HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

The Child

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:57 pm    Post subject: The Child Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Child
Posted by Cottrelli (nick_cottrelli@hotmail.com)
11 April 2005, 2:33 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=cottrelli.0411050233491.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 1:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent poem. No complaints, except to say that it was very short. Seems that you could have said a lot more.

Still, gifted poetry. Hope to see more from you. Unless I'm mistaken you used to post on HBO before the current forum was in place--correct?

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SeverianofUrth
Member


Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 483
Location: Dumb posts & crap stories

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm...

Nice. Very nice. I thought that the last phrase or whatever- "guilty pet" could've been better replaced with something else, but since I don't have any idea as to what it could be replaced with, I'll shut up for now.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
thedarkfire
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Where's the capitolization?

I really liked this.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting. That's a nice poem.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Cottrelli
Member


Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 12
Location: United States

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yea, its been a while since ive posted,something ive regretted for quite a while.first of all, i would like to thank u for the comments and for reading my poem. secondly, guilty pet refers to the beginning of the poem, the child who carries a seed. this is john, MC. we all know that 343GS manipulates john into helping him, and i was trying to exploit that. that and i couldnt think of anything good to rhyme w/ yet. the capitalization, orlack thereof, was meant to draw emphasis to the 2 capitalized words in the poem.
Cottrelli out
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah. A symbolism, perhaps?

That nets a bonus.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
The Arbitress
She Devil


Joined: 11 Dec 2004
Posts: 553
Location: Discussing high energy astrophysics with The Arbiter

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

certainly depressing, but good. a well written poem. i see i have spread the hatred of the shift key... Twisted Evil
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ark Night
Member


Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 871
Location: Connecticut

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Arbitress wrote:
certainly depressing, but good. a well written poem. i see i have spread the hatred of the shift key... Twisted Evil


Well, this was a very nice, well thought out, and all around excellent poem. Short indeed, but still well. Now you are asking why in the name of God would I quote Arbi. Well, that is simple. Yes she did spread the hatred of the shift key. The shift key is a magical tool, for everyday use. You should get used to using it in your fan fics and poems. Other than that, it was flawless
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
thedarkfire
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ark, he (she?) told why the shift wasn't being used
Quote:
the capitalization, orlack thereof, was meant to draw emphasis to the 2 capitalized words in the poem.


See?

Makes sence to me. Emiliy Dickinson did this in one of her poems. I can't remember which right now.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Ark Night
Member


Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 871
Location: Connecticut

PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh... Sorry... My mistake... I am still getting used to commenting on Fan Fics
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
CoLd BlooDed
Moderator


Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 706
Location: Noit acol.

PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good. I liked it. There was probably one line that didn't flow right, but other than that, really well done. I enjoyed the concept of this poem.

Keep it up!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought I recognised that name. Now I know why. Welcome back.

The first thing that I noticed was the length. The second was the lack of real formatting. I don't know about everyone else, but I like well formatted stuff. All I saw was a small block of text.

Good symbolism, and a good concept. Great basis for a poem. I think you could have expanded it quite a bit, and made more of it, but it was one of the better poems I have read in a while. (Where is Solidus, by the way?)


Overall, this was quite good. The flow could have been better in places, and perhaps the shortness contributed to that. Keep it up - and keep postin'.
_________________
-MCC
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group