HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Ghosts of Erebus—the conclusion—Already Dead (pt 1)
Posted by Chuckles
4 April 2005, 12:23 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=chuckles.04040512233212.html

MasterSushi · Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:28 pm Post subject:

Finally!!! I'll leave any comments on Pt 2.
I have to read it first. Razz

Caleb the Jackal · Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:34 pm Post subject:

Oh crap I didn't read part one I thought part 2 was the only one. Sorry chuck I will right now.

Caleb

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Yes, I know I could very well post all of what I have to say on the second - but I like posting on both sections, and I'll stick with my tradition.

Well, I was almost disturbed by all those different sections in there. They were included well, but the breaks seemed to make things less to some small degree. Nothing major - there is not often something like that in your work - to worry about, but it is something I thought.

Of course, I understand it was necessary. You had different elements to include, and putting like that was the most efficient and effective way of it. So, it is not a problem.

I would like to say that this went by too fast, but maybe that is just because I was reading through it so fast, trying to reach the ending. Still...

I hate to say this, but: I did see some small things in there. One or two with flow that I noticed, and small stuff. Of course, one out of all that is not bad at all. Once again: still...

As for the length... I did not once look at the scroll bar.

Overall, simply brilliant. I loved the whole thing - and I still have more to get through. Section two, here I come.
_________________
-MCC

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 12:17 am Post subject:

Wow... wow... wow...

Sorry, am I repeating myself? Oh, well, this particular fiction has "wow" written all over it. Not from me, of course...

*drops felt pen and backs away*

I was listening to music during this entire thing, and, it may be hard to believe, but some Queen and AC/DC songs suit it. Matched the mood (well, almost) perfectly. Razz

But, the emotion. DAMN. That was some raw stuff, Chuckles, raw in a good way. I love the way you take your writing, and define it with a distinct style of darkness, it especially reflects in the mood of the entire chapter. My eyes were attached the screen throughout, and, even though I probably got some minor retina damage from that, it's worth it.

The fluency and transferance of words in this are amazing, as are the descriptions and dialogue (which I find oddly realistic, in an evil sort of way).

Anyways, I don't want to drone on too long, I still have another part to finish! I'll reply on that one, too.

Caleb the Jackal · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 12:24 pm Post subject:

*Caleb walks up to Chuck slowly, almost painfully. One foot is slightly dragging and his head is cocked at a wierd angle. He speaks one word into Chuck's ear. Brilliant.*

It was really good. No, no, no... Extremely good. Although I have to say that I have never had a feeling like the one that I got while reading about Mike. I just loved the discription there. It was awesome. But this was just as good. I laughed, I cried... I cried....

Keep it up Chuckles the Clown, for if you do I can see a 'Nosel Prize' in your future.

Caleb