HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Guerilla: Flashback and Forward
Posted by Mainevent
1 April 2005, 2:19 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mainevent.0401050219227.html

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Good to see one by you, Main. I thought for a bit that you might have gotten out of writing here Crying or Very sad

. But, the thought was hard for me to consider anway. Nice to see you.

Anyway. About this story.

Nice. Though I did notice a few mistakes in there. Small stuff. Mispelled/used words, flow, slight detail, etc. Nothing major, but it was there. So, as much as you may already do it, proof things carefully and thoroughly.

You know, this kind of reminded me of a scene out of Waterworks. Just the atmostphere and everything. And, you know, from what I have observed, Waterworks may be set on Earth. Why do I think that? Well, you can see a moon and sun through the ceiling, but no ring. Though, the shadow of the moon is way off. That is just what I noticed the other day.

There was a detail that I found odd. The recomissioning of the 'Guard did not happen until after Regret had been killed - but you had him there. Now, perhaps this is just your story line (I cannot say I remember all of it). But I cannot be sure. Just watch out for such mistakes.

Overall, this was quite good. The quality was very enjoyable to read through. Some places that I thought went a tad fast, but it did not disrupt much. Keep up the great work - I mean it.
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-MCC

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 12:18 am Post subject:

Well, this storyline doesn't really tie in with the actual storyline at all, in so much that it only incorporates a few well-known characters. Other than that I'll try harder to work on my GPS (catchy Wink

).

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Okay. In that case, the plot looks fine. I was just unsure about that part.

And, yes, "GPS" is quite catchy. Smile

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-MCC

The Arbitress · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 12:40 am Post subject:

oh my god, holy shit, this had better be a series.

this was awesome. i usually dont like stories that arent from an elite's perspective, but this was mindblowing, and you ALL know how much i hate asskissing.

please, oh please god, say this is going to be a series.

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 1:42 am Post subject:

Heh, I'm glad you enjoy it Arbitress.

And yes, it is a series. You've actually come in towards the middle of it.

Just search Guerilla/Mainevent in the archives and you'll come up with the rest of it. If you like Elites, then you'll enjoy the rest of it. Ika is coming back (the Special Ops Elite sent to Earth with John).

thedarkfire · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 2:52 am Post subject:

Good stuff. Noticed some minor repetition problems. Namely during your forrunner (or whatever) part.

Still great.

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 5:27 am Post subject:

Another great fic by Mainevent. Glad to see you back, Main.
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

HoZ · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 1:41 pm Post subject:

ill read it later.... ive printed it and ill read it through out the day..... i am at school after all.... expect a revire by tommarrow at this time...

HoZ · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 3:20 pm Post subject:

sorry for the double post.....
but i read it... except for a few spelling errors is was good.... a little hard to fallow but ok...

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:28 pm Post subject:

It'll probably be hard to follow if you havent' read the rest of the series; but if you have I wouldn't think it would be.

If it was, I'm sorry, I'll work harder on that next time.