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Ze snowy battle

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 3:20 pm    Post subject: Ze snowy battle Reply with quote

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Ze snowy battle
Posted by Raptor 27 (raptor27_738@msn.com)
16 August 2004, 9:22 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=raptor_27.0816042122101.html
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snowy_duck
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 4
Location: Minnesota

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Off - the opposite of on "He turned OFF the light"

Of - a totaly different word from off and should be known

you should know the difference between off and of and use each accordingly. basic grammar man. there were many many errors in your typing, please just reread your story before you submit it.
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oook. There were a couple of errors with that story. I don't want to sound fussy or anything, but I thought i'd point out a few things.

1. Elites probably wouldn't say:
"Easy target you sitting duck." Think about it. They're from another planet, and have most likely never even heard of ducks, let alone heard the phrase 'sitting duck'.

2. A sniper never, and I say NEVER screams out. There a number of risks associated with doing that, including giving away your position, and letting the enemyknow why their dying so fast.

3. Grammar and spelling. Always re-read over your story and get someone else with good english to read over your fiction. I think most of your errors were typos.


Work on those things, and your next chapter should get a good one.

Keep it up Very Happy
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