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Warrior's Fate: Part 1- Going Feet First

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 1:52 pm    Post subject: Warrior's Fate: Part 1- Going Feet First Reply with quote

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Warrior's Fate: Part 1- Going Feet First
Posted by maxx (spiritedge@yahoo.com)
17 March 2005, 3:16 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=maxx.0317050316362.html
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Numbers. I saw some that needed to be spelt out. Maybe not stuff like "3rd"; but actual numbers not part of a designator should always be spelt out. So remember to do that.

Not all that many small mistakes in there. But, some were still present. Glitches in the punctuation, or where a word was off. Nothing big- which is a good thing. Just keep a sharp eye out for things during proofreading.

"0700 tomorrow night"? I hope you don't mean 7 pm.

Your plot looks very promising. Good elements, and an actual something that presents purpose. That's good.

Overall, this was pretty darned good - I'm glad I didn't have to add another long-winded comment to my daily's. Still, there is some smoothing out to do. Add some life into your writing - this came across as almost flat in terms of emotion and detail outside of your information. Keep workin'.
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