HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Warrior's Fate: Part 1- Going Feet First
Posted by maxx (spiritedge@yahoo.com)
17 March 2005, 3:16 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=maxx.0317050316362.html

[MC's Cousin]

Numbers. I saw some that needed to be spelt out. Maybe not stuff like "3rd"; but actual numbers not part of a designator should always be spelt out. So remember to do that.

Not all that many small mistakes in there. But, some were still present. Glitches in the punctuation, or where a word was off. Nothing big- which is a good thing. Just keep a sharp eye out for things during proofreading.

"0700 tomorrow night"? I hope you don't mean 7 pm.

Your plot looks very promising. Good elements, and an actual something that presents purpose. That's good.

Overall, this was pretty darned good - I'm glad I didn't have to add another long-winded comment to my daily's. Still, there is some smoothing out to do. Add some life into your writing - this came across as almost flat in terms of emotion and detail outside of your information. Keep workin'.
_________________
-MCC