HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

This topic is for posting comments to:

Hunter ambush!
Posted by Raptor 27 (raptor27_738@msn.com)
16 August 2004, 1:59 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=raptor_27.0816041359441.html

HoZ · Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 5:01 pm Post subject:

lol that was good the ending was funny too keep it up

Helljumper · Member Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 298 Location: Pittsburgh

the grammar, mis spelled words in the first sentence and the lack of formating. I just can't do it

ODST

Shaolin Fist · Member Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 27

it's alrite. kinda funny - adding a soft side to the MC. but helljumper is right, the bad spelling does get on my nerves.

Elitehunter676 · Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 9:33 pm Post subject:

Use code and you I'll be fine.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

I'll keep it short: lack of details, spelling, and grammar, and formating made this hard to read. Not to mention distorted personalities... I just can't really take it either, but I've almost become immune to story induced migrains. Not really, it wasn't THAT bad, but it wasn't the best either. The potential is there . . . but it certainly needs some work to come out.
I'll stop my speal right here: just listen to the comments given to you and (yes, I will say this a lot in the future) check out the story guides link at the bottom of my post.
_________________
-MCC

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

I pretty much skim-read the whole thing, but I agree with the others. A few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors were constantly appearing throughout the story, but I thought if you cleared that up you'd be good. My advice is this:
Type up your story on Microsoft Word like I do, and that way any spelling or grammatical errors will be displayed in front of you.
Also read other people's stories on this site. Don't steal any ideas or scenes from them, but instead read the comments they receive for them. If the comments are good, then use that story as an example of how to write a good story. Also, read books and study grammar in those.
(SIGH)
That's probably the longest comment i've ever written.

Keep it up Smile

Chuckles · Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 2:10 pm Post subject:

Stories hinge on conflict and resolution. Without that, what you end up with is a sing-song "slice of life" narration that starts nowhere and ends nowhere. To put it more plainly, you need a plot. It generally goes like this: your main character/characters have an objective and the bad guys in the story try to keep them from achieving it. By the end, they either achieve it or they don't.

Conflict, resolution.

Your story was cute, but people are not going to keep reading unless you have some conflicts to resolve.

C.T. Clown

MasterGrunt_Yayap-117 · Member Joined: 13 Aug 2004 Posts: 14

Ok, I've got to say that inspite of all the bad grammer, I still liked it. I got to have a small laugh at the end and that's got to be worth something!

Michael Archer · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 3:35 pm Post subject: Re: Hunter Ambush

I like it. It shows that Master Chief isn't some mean guy who kills anything in his path. He has a heart too. That's the thing about wars. The soldiors have nothing aganst each other. They're just killing each other just becasue they're on diffrent sides.

Good Story

DanH · Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 10:14 pm Post subject:

That was just sorta confusing.