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Hunter ambush!

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 3:31 pm    Post subject: Hunter ambush! Reply with quote

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Hunter ambush!
Posted by Raptor 27 (raptor27_738@msn.com)
16 August 2004, 1:59 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=raptor_27.0816041359441.html
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HoZ
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 440
Location: Tyrone, PA (HA I'M POOR)

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol that was good the ending was funny too keep it up
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the grammar, mis spelled words in the first sentence and the lack of formating. I just can't do it

ODST
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Shaolin Fist
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's alrite. kinda funny - adding a soft side to the MC. but helljumper is right, the bad spelling does get on my nerves.
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Elitehunter676
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 61
Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Use code and you I'll be fine.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll keep it short: lack of details, spelling, and grammar, and formating made this hard to read. Not to mention distorted personalities... I just can't really take it either, but I've almost become immune to story induced migrains. Not really, it wasn't THAT bad, but it wasn't the best either. The potential is there . . . but it certainly needs some work to come out.
I'll stop my speal right here: just listen to the comments given to you and (yes, I will say this a lot in the future) check out the story guides link at the bottom of my post.
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-MCC
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 9:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I pretty much skim-read the whole thing, but I agree with the others. A few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors were constantly appearing throughout the story, but I thought if you cleared that up you'd be good. My advice is this:
Type up your story on Microsoft Word like I do, and that way any spelling or grammatical errors will be displayed in front of you.
Also read other people's stories on this site. Don't steal any ideas or scenes from them, but instead read the comments they receive for them. If the comments are good, then use that story as an example of how to write a good story. Also, read books and study grammar in those.
(SIGH)
That's probably the longest comment i've ever written.

Keep it up Smile
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stories hinge on conflict and resolution. Without that, what you end up with is a sing-song "slice of life" narration that starts nowhere and ends nowhere. To put it more plainly, you need a plot. It generally goes like this: your main character/characters have an objective and the bad guys in the story try to keep them from achieving it. By the end, they either achieve it or they don't.

Conflict, resolution.

Your story was cute, but people are not going to keep reading unless you have some conflicts to resolve.

C.T. Clown
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MasterGrunt_Yayap-117
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Joined: 13 Aug 2004
Posts: 14

PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:12 pm    Post subject: liked it Reply with quote

Ok, I've got to say that inspite of all the bad grammer, I still liked it. I got to have a small laugh at the end and that's got to be worth something!
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Michael Archer
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Joined: 19 Aug 2004
Posts: 152
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Earth, Inner Planets, Too bad it won't let me go farther.

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 3:35 pm    Post subject: Re: Hunter Ambush Reply with quote

I like it. It shows that Master Chief isn't some mean guy who kills anything in his path. He has a heart too. That's the thing about wars. The soldiors have nothing aganst each other. They're just killing each other just becasue they're on diffrent sides.


Good Story
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DanH
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 8
Location: Massachusetts

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was just sorta confusing.
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