HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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SPECTRE: Chapter 1: Donald Feathertop and The SEALS: Part two
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
27 February 2005, 10:15 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ens_rabid_ga.0227052215113.html

[HELSING]

I liked it!

Jilly got married? Does she know?

A GPS wouldn't pick up enemies, that's a motion tracker.

So when do I enter the picture? Or do I?

[HoZ]

that was nice... i dint see me but ohwell...it was great i swa a few minor goofs but nothing big keep it up

[CoLd BlooDed]

Hey, I liked it! There was some repetition and grammar mistakes here and there, but other than that, good!

Looks like you're successfully forming a solid plot to this MP fic, good on you.

Anyways, keep it up, Gallager... oh, and when do I make my next appearance?

[Mark Lieberg]

It was great..but did I miss a Chapter? How did Jilly get captured?
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

[MC's Cousin]

I like the style a lot better than that previous chapter. Thanks for listening.
However, there were still some things that could have been smoothed out. There were some small tense issues, where things should have been kept more consistent. Flow was good but could have been improved with better wording. So keep and eye out for that.

Small mistakes here and there. So don't negelect that proofreading.

I like that rank. And Air Force... If I were to go military, it would be either Spec Ops (SF) or a pilot that I would strive for. So, that works. And a reference to Sam Fisher *a screetching halt is heard* While I am honored, who is Sam Fisher in relation to 2552? Referencing to modern stuff must be done carefully. This was a little odd - but it fit, just barely.

Global Positioning System? Yeah, that isn't really used for tracking of enemies as far as I know (unless I don't know this something). Would have been nice to include a brief overview of that device.

Just as a small tip: italicise ship names. Looks better, and it just a traditional way to have them stand out a bit.


Overall, this was pretty good. Went by a little fast, and could have used more detail, though. Keep up the good and entertaining work. Good luck.
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-MCC

[(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher]

Thanks, but don't lie. Come on, it wasn't the most perfect fanfic you liked.

How is everyone? Sorry if I left on a bad note, but hey, we all got to sometime. I’ve been searching through the PP section and noticed that I’m on the “No Hug List”. Hmm... Also, it seems I am quickly forgotten. Thank you. Really, I mean it. I would rather be forgotten than be wept about in the future
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

[Nick Kang]

I liked it. And woohoo! I played a semi-big role in it! A few grammar errors and spelling errors dragged you down, but I'll gorgive those.
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Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

[HoZ]

this is too mke you mad ENS

im still crying...

[Caleb the Jackal]

That was really good. I liked it alot. Can't wait for the next chapter. The only mistakes that I saw were already picked up on by MCC so I will just leave it at that.


Caleb

[Master Chief Spartan- 117]

If u still haven't fixed names like jillybean then u are friggin crazy. I know u already developed the character but give here a nickname a little less comedy like