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Project Hunter: Chapter 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 4:07 pm    Post subject: Project Hunter: Chapter 1 Reply with quote

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Project Hunter: Chapter 1
Posted by Dagorath (hoyinshan@gmail.com)
24 February 2005, 11:56 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=dagorath.0224051156541.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 1:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's time I post on this story that appears to have been missed - even by me. I'll have to keep my eyes open so these kinds of things don't slip through as often.

Onto the story.

The first thing that stuck out to me was that you didn't use the Code. Coding is what allows you to add in text effects and formatting features - such as bolding and italics, and horizontal rules and indents. Just click the link in my signature to find out more about it.

I thought your Covenant sounded a bit off. Their dialogue didn't make them seem all that alien, which they should sound like, and some of the tech you introduced didn't seem up to their level - such as "destructable paper." The Covenant use computers and what not to send messages and communitcate. I doubt they would use actual paper.

Make sure to keep your tenses constant in your writing. I noticed a few palces where it was not consistent. That is just bad grammar. Always keep things consistent in your story - be it grammar or details.

Speeking of details, I think you could use more of them. Go into more detail with each level of your story. Setting, characters, story elements, backstory, plot, etc. Always make sure to describe and explain each one enough for the reader to get a good and thorough idea of things.

Avoid using parentheses in your writing. Some authors use it effectively, but I, and some others here, tend to think it looks unprofessional, and does not have to be used. Simply incorporate the extra material in another way into your story. It makes you think more, and can help expand what you have already.


Now, by how your story and project are titled, I go to think that your weapon that is going to be created will be the Hunters? Well, if that is the case, I would have some things to say in disagreement. However, I will not jump to conclusions and will let you confirm or deny this.


Overall, this was all right; but it went by a tad too fast and could have used more material. Make an effort to, as well as generally improving, beef up your stories with good solid and descriptive material. Good luck.
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Dagorath
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Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 10:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, I get it. Beef it up.
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