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Victories last hope Ch2 hell hole of war

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 11:36 am    Post subject: Victories last hope Ch2 hell hole of war Reply with quote

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Victories last hope Ch2 hell hole of war
Posted by me (gumdosword@comcast.net)
18 February 2005, 10:38 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=me.0218052238202.html
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Nick Kang
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Posts: 688
Location: Michigan State University

PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, you needed the Code, and there were lots of spelling and grammar errors. Nothing a careful eye can't fix. Always be sure to read over the story before you submit it, to catch any spelling or grammar errors. And, like I said before on Chapter 1, type the story out in a Word Processor like Microsoft Word and then copy & paste it into the submission form, so you have more time to look over it and apply your full mind.
You were also missing some commas in there, and it was a bit confusing at times.
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John Gurule, Jr.
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Joined: 17 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was pretty good, but like Nick said, you might want to put your stories through a word processer. Use the Code (b in brackets is bold, i in brackets is italics, indent in brackets, well, you can figure that out, etc.) and spell out minor numbers. These steps may take a while, but they'll make your stories look better and more proffessional. Use bold for headings, italics for ship names or thoughts and such, and indent to well, indent. I usually put the code in while I'm typing.

Otherwise, good job! This was a definite improvement. Still needs a bit of work, though, so I'll rate it about 5.8/10. [/url]
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John Gurule, Jr.
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Darn, I keep getting those end tags at the end. Embarassed
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 7:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty much the same comments I had for your first one. Great imagination, too many careless mistakes, think about abandoning first person and keep practicing Very Happy

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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Same stuff to say as in your first chapter.

Basic things:
Cap proper nouns.
Use the Code.
Format more.
Use more detail and improve flow.

Yeah.

Just don't neglect to listen to what we point out. We are doing it to help you - to help you get your work improved.


Overall, this was not all that bad. But it does need work - so get to it. Good luck.
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me
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

well I was gonna make it like hes telling another marine his story and then go into a more normal form instead of first and sorry bout the code
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