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Urban Warfare: Ch.7: Pushin em Back

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 10:33 pm    Post subject: Urban Warfare: Ch.7: Pushin em Back Reply with quote

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Urban Warfare: Ch.7: Pushin em Back
Posted by hunter_that_dances (poop@poop.org)
10 August 2004, 5:34 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=hunter_that_.0810041734207.html
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Shaolin Fist
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 4:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

" We will rip the heads off anyone or anything that stands in our way, and use them as bowling balls to knock those Grunts off their tiny little feet! Am I right, 7th Platoon?!"



LOL. that's gonna be a classic. i love that line. gotta admit, if there is one thing the Spartans can't do, it's the ability to give a good ol' curse laden pep talk.
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l33t
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Joined: 11 Aug 2004
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Location: somewhere where masterchief lives

PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 7:15 am    Post subject: pretty cool Reply with quote

I think it is awesome keep up the good work!
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HoZ
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 3:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that was great keep it up HTD
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Brigade_of_marines
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I Thought CCS means Covenant Capital Ship or Covenant Command Ship. It may mean something else so i trying not to be to bad here, but if it is try not to use it improperaly like you did in title. I know that they don't give us much more on covenant fleets and what they're called. Unless these are all Capital ships my claim here my carry some meaning, but if they are Capital ships then I'm sorry for making a usless claim.

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hunter_that_dances
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yea ive been wondering about that
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CoLd BlooDed
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Joined: 09 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was decent, but you can do much better.

Your punctuation is bad, so you're going to really need to watch it. However, your grammar is nice and smooth, so I didn't have any trouble getting through the story.

Now, the dialogue was so-so, but could've been more realistic if you had taken the time to proofread or add proper punctuation - like I said above, you've got to watch it.

I've only read two of the Urban Warfare chapters, but I like the idea you have - I'll read the future ones.

Oh, and I liked the end of the first section, very nice and well executed - good job, hunter_that_dances. Stick to the things I said above and you'll do fine.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice job, Hunter. I have to ask: did you watch Starship Troopers just before you wrote this Smile? Not because you copied anything, but that wonderfully over the top Casper Van Dien-esque dialogue was inspired.

Good ending. Keeps the reader coming back.

C.T. Clown
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hunter_that_dances
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i watched part of it in China-i remmeber the part where that guy stuck a grenade in that huge bug and blew it up.

I'll watch the punctuation next time, and check out the comments on HFS!
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